Page 94
Mordecai
Ensley kissed me so tenderly, I wouldn’t have been able to walk away if I tried. No one had ever kissed me like that. Not in four hundred years. The curse had always felt so monstrously ugly and cruel, yet Ensley made me feel normal.
Human.
Like he couldn’t see our vast differences or didn’t care.
He reached for my ruined shirt and ripped the few remaining buttons from their fraying threads. I stopped him before he could shed the article completely and go further.
“There is one thing I need to make perfectly clear before we continue.”
The lust and desire in his eyes burned bright, but he waited, hands resting on my hips, thumbs caressing the exposed skin above the waistband of my trousers. So gentle. So loving.
“You’re not a convenient fuck, Ensley. I’ve come to care for you more than I should. More than I expected. If we do this, become lovers or whatever term you want to use, know that time will be our enemy. Our differences will become more pronounced as you age and I don’t. Maybe it won’t last long enough to matter, but if it does…” My unbeating heart ached.
“I understand.”
“I’m not sure you can, but my real point is this. If our hearts get tangled and we… we…”
“Fall in love?” His whispered words sent a shiver over my skin because I knew with absolute certainty that I could love this man. Maybe I already did on some level. For his fearless devotion. For his keen perception and unwavering understanding.
“Yes. If we fall in love. No matter how many times you ask, no matter how often you beg or plead, I will never change you, Ensley.”
His brow crinkled as he searched my face. “As in?”
“I will not make you like me.”
“Oh.”
The thought must not have occurred to him, but I couldn’t move forward without drawing a line.
“Never,” I reiterated. “This… me. Who I am. What I am. It is not a life. It is not glorious. It is not desirable. It is an affliction beyond anything you can imagine. Do not strive to convince me otherwise. Our destiny can only be the here and now. Our future—”
“Ends when I die.”
“Yes. Or when you’ve tired of me.”
I’d seen others try to overcome the barrier between human and vampire, and no one came out the other side unscathed. Years of mourning followed a painful parting. Unless they were like Cristofer, willing to bring their lover into our realm, but even he had learned the hard way, it never worked how he hoped.
A sad smile touched Ensley’s mouth. “Kind of a morbid conversation pre-sex, but I hear you. Can’t say the thought ever crossed my mind.”
“Well, in case it does, banish it.”
He dragged his fingers across my abdomen and toyed with the button on my trousers. “May I continue now?”
“Yes.”
Ensley’s mouth and delicious tongue stole any more warnings. It dissolved my worries so completely, I couldn’t remember why I ever resisted. He fondled me through my undergarments until my cock ached. His honey-sweet taste sent vibrations through my skin, awakening the hunger I’d barely kept at bay.
I wanted him rapaciously.
Was I doing this?
His tongue lashed against mine, silky and confident, cutting a path forward to a place of no return. I fumbled to remove his shirt and clung to his hair, drawing his face away from mine, enough that I could look at him. His rosy wet lips. His blown pupils. His staggered breathing.
The steady thrum of his pulse was a drumbeat calling me home. It echoed in my core.
A deep ache resonated through my gums and jaw as my teeth involuntarily stretched to their limits in anticipation. Saliva pooled in my mouth, and the blinding pangs of hunger screamed for repletion. I vibrated and fought for control.
