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I was on a rollercoaster of emotions, additional to all the other feelings acting up in my teenage mind.

And he knew. Which was the worst about it. He knew me well enough to recognize the resentment. To his credit, it never stopped him from being there for me. It took a few months, but then things between us returned to normal. We had a heart-to-heart on the phone where we decided to consider the ‘dating’ experiment a failed one and stick to friendship instead.

So we did and went back to being online friends for the longest time. We used to call each other occasionally and forwarded memes to each other daily, only now I didn’t have to worry about a family member hacking into my tablet and exposing me. Nowadays, even considering kissing him makes bile rise in my throat.

Brooke, though? A whole different story.

By the time my university classes began, I was finally comfortable enough to embrace who I am. Within weeks, I found queer hang out groups and activities, found friends I’d hang out with during breaks and to go to clubs with.

For the first time, I thought I belonged. That I was accepted unconditionally.

Spoiler alert: It didn’t last long.

Only until I got into my first university relationship, to be exact. Remi and I met in a seminar and instantly got along, as if we’d known each other for decades already. She was smart, and within weeks, we were inseparable and so in love.

Everyone was nice enough about it at first. However slowly but surely, subtleties added up. The guys went clubbing without me. Group hangouts were decided on in a group chat I wasn’t in, and in the one I was still in, they stopped considering my availability. Or any of my messages at all.

And that’s when I learned their acceptance came with conditions. I’m not sure what exactly those were, but being in a straight presenting relationship was apparently a no-no.

Remi and I didn’t make it past the six-month mark, but my friends’ rejections stung far longer than that. So much so that I mostly kept to myself for the rest of my university days, apart from superficial ‘let’s share homework’ friendships and phone calls with Evan.

He even came to my place for a weekend to meet Remi because he knew how important she was to me.

Once I graduated, I knew this was where I wanted to be. Close to him and his family, who welcomed me with open arms when mine abandoned me. I started a TikTok account during my last year at university and saved up to move here. Add in the chaos that comes with being a so-called influencer, and it took me a while.

But now I’m here. And I have no intention of moving again.

“Christmas market.”

The two words make me shake my head and try to focus on the conversation happening around me. Like a sleeper-agent code word.

“Huh?”

Lauren is back at the table and shoots me an amused glance. “I was asking if you already have a theme for this year’s Christmas market. You know, after winning last year’s competition and all.” She narrows her eyes at me. “You’ve thought about it already, right? You can tell us. Be a bro, give us a head start on planning. We won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“What the hell is going on?” Kylie asks, eyebrows creased in confusion.

“Wayward Hollow throws a Christmas market every year,” Henry explains, as the only one at the table who was born and raised in this town. “Similar to the autumn fair, only a little, okay that’s a lie, a lot more competitive.”

“Oh, how cute.” Kylie blushes, probably because she and Erik made out at the gazebo while everyone was distracted by the autumn fair fireworks. But I totally caught them. Even though I pretended to be surprised when they made it more or less official at the following bonfire.

“Everyone can do a booth, and whoever makes the most money gets to pick a theme for the next year. Last year, this guy won.” Lauren pats my shoulder. “By doing one hella unfair sexy-Santa-handing-out-alcohol-stint.”

“How is it unfair? Nobody’s stopping you from throwing yourself into a bikini and doing the same this year. You’ve got boobs, I bet you’d do better than me.”

“The fact that I’m a woman and already freeze to death if I’m wearing an only slightly too-thin jacket. That’s what’s stopping me.” Lauren rolls her eyes and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“I, too, caught a cold after doing it last year. Worth it. If you want to win, you have to make a sacrifice.”

“I’d rather not sacrifice my health, thank you very much. Look at me.” She points at herself. “A responsible adult.”

Nic giggles. “Was your cold when you sent me the voicemail about your will and how Dick would inherit your house?”

I clear my throat. “I don’t remember that.”

“Anyway, Lauren and I still have a score to settle, so, you know. Happy to learn the theme and have a bit of an advantage.” Now Nic glares at me, too.

“I’m sorry, girls, but you will learn the theme along with everyone else. I am not bribable.”