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They don’t know about Evan or the fact he’s my ex, which is important context if I want to talk about Brooke.
The two of them seem open enough to be cool with me being bi, but I thought the same about the LGBTQ groups at university. And they proved me wrong.
Hell, I used to hope the same about my family, and they proved me wrong too.
Suddenly guilt and fear clog my throat. Those two rejections stung. But genuinely, if Nic and Lauren took issue with my sexuality and rejected me too, it would very much be the end of the world for me.
For once, I found a place where I truly feel at home. Who knew that this little town in the middle of nowhere would be where I felt most comfortable, most like myself?
But it’s fragile. Ice cracking under my feet as I walk over a frozen lake.
Small towns aren't exactly known for their queer-friendliness. Evan keeps assuring me I'm overthinking and how much more open people here are than I might think.
I'm still so fucking scared.
Scared to risk it and lose everything I built for myself here over the past year. Scared to lose the one place where I’m at peace. Truly, the first place where I ever felt this at home since my family kicked me out.
"Earth to Kieran." Lauren waves her hand in front of my face. “Hello? Is anyone in there?”
"Yes, sorry." I shake my head. “I’m here, I’m here.”
"What are you daydreaming about?" Nic leans past Lauren with a grin. "Come on, tell us more."
"There's nothing to tell," I say noncommittally and force a smile onto my lips. "Anyway..."
"Oh hey Kieran."
Harry appears behind us. He's the head of the committee leading the Wayward Hollow Christmas Market and all other festivities. For once he doesn’t have a clipboard in his hand; it makes him unrecognizable.
"Harry. Hey, man, how's it going?" I cringe at myself. We’re far from bros, but my brain did not jump from scary daydreams to slightly less scary reality in time.
"Good, good. Listen, Kieran. We want to finalize the flyers and everything, so I was wondering if you'd given any thought to the theme of this year's Christmas market?"
Lauren playfully punches my upper arm. "I'm still so salty about you winning last year."
"Well, you can keep being salty. Cry me an ocean, in fact, because I'm totally going to win this year too." I tease her with a wink. Then I turn to Harry. "The theme is Santa Paws," I declare with a confident nod.
He stares at me with the confusion of a man who expected ‘jingle bells' or a similarly boring theme. "Santa Paws?"
"Yup." I point down at my dog, who’s still softly snoring.
Harry takes a step back, eyes widening as if he hadn't even noticed the golden retriever by my feet before.
"In honor of this little guy." And because when I undoubtedly win again, I'm going to donate all the proceeds to Brooke's Animal Shelter. But Harry doesn't need to know that. Neither do Nic nor Lauren. Yet.
It's the one thing I could come up with to help her.
Evan let it slip that Brooke is okay with her town gathering donations through Christmas market sales, so I'm sure she'll be okay with accepting a donation from the citizens of Wayward Hollow as well.
"That's quite a theme," he stammers and produces a palm-sized notepad from his jacket, then a pen from his pocket, and quickly jots it down. Of course he has stationery on him.
"I love that," Lauren declares with a nod, and Nic joins her.
"It was better than Santa's Dick," I say with a face-splitting grin and watch Harry silently panic. It might become one of my favorite past times, I so have to win again.
"Santa Paws it is," he says quickly, jots it down, then scurries off as if he’s scared I’ll change my mind again.
"Maybe we should join forces," Nic proposes to Lauren in a whisper. "You know, common enemy and all." The two shoot me playful glares, in Lauren’s case, over the rim of her coffee mug.