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No, that wasn’t true. Zombies didn’t feel pain. And everything inside me hurt.
I looked around the kitchen, not even sure why I’d walked in here. It wasn’t like a ginger ale was going to fix the ache in my stomach. It felt...hollow. Empty.
I slumped down on the kitchen floor and pressed my back against the kitchen cabinets. Which just reminded me of Mr. Halifax slamming my back against the wall.
He’d said it was amazing. That I was amazing. So why had he left?
I wasn’t even sure how I was still crying. I had to be dehydrated by now. But the fridge seemed too far away. So I just pulled my knees into my chest and let myself cry.
I felt so stupid. I’d thought he loved me back. I’d thought that going all the way with him would mean that we were together. But I was just a one night stand.
Mr. Halifax didn’t love me back. It had all been in my head. He didn’t care about me. Not even a little. Because if he had cared at all, he wouldn’t have left.
After the party I felt like I was on top of the world.
And now I felt like the smallest speck of sand on the beach. Invisible. Forgettable.
I choked on my sobs.
I was nothing.
I heard the front door opening and closing. And the sound of my dad whistling. His keys landed on the counter with a jingle and then his whistling stopped.
So maybe that’s one of the things RJ had said when I wasn’t paying attention. That he was calling my dad.
“Baby girl, what’s wrong?” my dad said and crouched down in front of me. “RJ said you weren’t feeling well? What hurts?” He put the back of his hand against my forehead.
I slowly lifted my head. I didn’t think I’d ever seen my dad look so concerned before. But I didn’t know what to say to him. And I guess RJ hadn’t known what to say to him either.
My dad never believed me when I talked about being in love with my teacher. He thought it was some big joke. But...I was the joke. I couldn’t talk to him about this. I didn’t want him to know how pathetic his daughter was.
“You gotta tell me what hurts,” he said.
“Everything.” That was the truth. My whole body ached. It felt like I’d been hit by a truck. Or tossed off a cliff. It felt like Mr. Halifax had tried to murder me and failed.
“I’m going to take you to the doctor’s.”
“No,” I said. “I just want to go to bed.”
“I really think...”
“Please, Dad?” I started sobbing again. “I just want to go to bed.”
“Okay. I’ve got you, baby girl.” He lifted me up into his arms. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
I sobbed into his chest. Because I wasn’t okay. Nothing was ever going to be okay again. I’d never let myself even think of the possibility that I could love Mr. Halifax and that he could hate me. I’d just been so focused on having him. I never even considered that I could lose him.
“Shhh,” my dad said and set me down on my bed. He pulled the covers up over me. “I’m going to call the doctor to come here.”
I wasn’t sick. Even though it felt like I was dying. I didn’t need a doctor to come tell me I was fine when I was anything but. “Dad?” I said before he could walk out of my room. “Please don’t leave me.” My voice cracked at the fact that Mr. Halifax had left me.
“I’m not going anywhere, baby girl.” My dad abandoned the idea of calling the doctor and sat down on my bed. I crawled over to him and put my head on his lap. I was a crying, snotty mess and my dad didn’t say a word. He just started to stroke my hair. The way he used to do when I was little and had a bad dream.
“It’s okay,” my dad said again. “You’re going to be okay.”
No. I wasn’t. I wished this was just a bad dream.
I closed my eyes tight. Please let me wake up and for all of this to be a nightmare.