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“You’re right.” Caleb’s arctic blue eyes met mine. “I’m sorry.”
When I didn’t say anything, Caleb added, “And thank you for what you did for Braelynn today.”
“I would do it again in a heartbeat.” My voice was hoarse, but it had nothing to do with my crying earlier, and everything to do with the energy crackling to life between Caleb and me. I’d spent days, weeks, keeping it suppressed, even going so far as convincing myself Caleb had no recollection of our first kiss, or that he had ever had feelings for me at all.
Caleb swallowed audibly, and I became hyperaware of how close his body was to mine. I even became aware of how good he smelled, how his t-shirt moved and tightened across his chest with every inhale and exhale, how his pulse jumped in his throat. My fingers started tingling with the urge to touch him, to feel his skin, his stubble, beneath my fingertips. My lips prickled with the desire, the need to kiss him, to feel the roughness of his mouth against mine.
I couldn’t help it, the way I involuntarily swayed closer to him, drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
“I so badly want to kiss you,” he murmured. “But I’m afraid that if I start, I won’t be able to stop.”
“What if I didn’t want you to stop?”
I sounded desperate, and wanton, and not in the slightest bit contrite about it. I was willing to admit that I wanted him. Badly.
“This,” Caleb gestured between us, “Can’t happen.”
It took me a moment to acknowledge his rebuff, and when I did, I had to admit that it stung. After tonight I was hoping we’d made some kind of headway, but perhaps that was nothing more than me wishing to relive the fantasy I’d created in my head when I was seventeen.
Caleb was right.
We were no longer the same people we were back then.
“My life is complicated,” Caleb continued. “I don’t think it would be a good idea if we…”
I felt the fight trickle from my limbs, my heart, my soul. He’d shot me down, even after admitting that he was once in love with me, and in spite of it being the admirable thing for him to do, I didn’t want to hear it. Not really.
“You can stay here as long as you need to,” he added softly. The sympathy in his voice made me wince. “I know my approach was improper this morning, but I had Andrea pick out a few things for you from Nordstrom anyway. Consider them a gift.”
I wanted to yell at him, tell him that I didn’t need his charity or his ‘pity presents’, but how could I expect us to reach a truce when I was the only one unwilling to concede?
We couldn’t.
Which is why I swallowed my pride, and shoved whatever I thought I’d felt for Caleb back into the little box I’d kept it in for years. It would never again see the light of day, and I had no choice but to make peace with that.
I cleared my throat, and tried to look at Caleb with an impassive expression, regardless of how it shredded me on the inside to do so. “Thank you. I will start looking for an apartment this week, and hopefully be out of here by Friday.”
Caleb wanted to argue, but I sighed a silent breath of relief when he simply nodded. “Whatever you want.”
Damn you, I thought.
He was breaking my heart, and being nice about it.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he finally said.
Thank God.
“Goodnight,” I murmured.
As soon as I was alone, I dropped onto the bed, leaving the terrace doors open, and fell into an uneasy sleep.
I dreamed of Caleb.
And Braelynn.
And all the things that would never be.
I FOUND CALEB in the kitchen on Monday morning, dressed in a white t-shirt, and jeans. I’d avoided him all weekend, which was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I’d taken a cab to the office to collect my car, and when I came back, both Caleb and Braelynn were gone. With no idea where they were, or when they were coming back, I explored Caleb’s penthouse and discovered that he had a wine cellar, a library, an in-home fitness center and a media room. I had no idea why he needed so much, when it was just him and Braelynn, but I chalked it down another one of his many puzzle pieces. With nothing to do on Saturday night, and a palace all to myself, I snagged a bottle of wine, and holed up in the library. Giant shelves lined every wall, reaching high up to the ceiling, filled to the rim with books from just about every genre. It was by far my favorite room in the entire penthouse.