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“Stop deflecting.”
“I’m not deflecting,” I argue. “He’s a pain in my ass, but I have to get along with him because of Eli. And even if I did have feelings for him, which I one hundred percent do not, it wouldn’t matter. I feel like I don’t know him anymore, this version of him is just…different. And history dictates that Thorin doesn’t give a flying shit about anyone but himself. I can’t risk catching the real feelings for someone like him.”
“For someone who doesn’t care, you sure have a lot to say on the matter.”
I roll my eyes. “Mya, there is nothing between me and Thorin, and there never will be. At the rate we’re going, we won’t even make it to being friends. We have a better chance of becoming parents than actual friends. He can’t even stand being in the same room as me.”
“For someone so smart, you’re actually kind of dumb, Reesie.”
I balk at that. “What? Why?”
It’s Mya’s turn to roll her eyes. “Did a boy ever like you in kindergarten?”
Now I’m confused. “Uh, I think so?”
“And was he mean to you? Did he pull your braids, or ever push you into the ground? Maybe throw mud in your face, or something?”
When I give her a confused stare, she explains, “When a boy likes you, he does all those things.”
“You’ve lost me, Mya. What the hell are you getting at?”
“Well, from what I can tell, you got under Thorin’s skin at the bonfire, and he’s spent the entire week being a dick, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
Talk about going off on a tangent. Jesus Mary and Joseph.
“He’s got the feelings, Reese.”
“That’s the worst logic in the world, even for you,” I scoff. “Thorin’s being a dick because that’s what he does. That’s what rockstars do. In fact, now that I think about it, he hasn’t changed at all because he was a dick in high school, too.”
“Or, you’re so caught up in who he used to be, and what he did to you, that you’re missing what’s right in front of you.”
“Let’s say that, hypothetically, you’re right, our lives are too complicated and too different for me to even consider anything with him. We have a baby to take care of, I have a job, and he’ll be leaving in a few months. The band won’t stay here forever, and I wouldn’t expect him to give up his career, either.”
“Do you really believe that?” Mya asks, her expression earnest. She has an uncanny ability to get straight to the heart of the matter, and at this moment she’s probing mine. “Because, honey, whether you like it or not, your lives are now inextricably intertwined, and you have to learn to live with it.”
Her point is valid, too valid. Even if I wanted nothing to do with Thorin, we’re connected now, and we always will be. Do I worry about what he’s going to do when his band is ready to release another album, and go on tour? All the time. But our past doesn’t allow me to give him the benefit of the doubt. Not even a little bit.
“If you’re not willing to consider that he actually cares about you, then consider that maybe you singing that song hit him where it hurts, and with all do respect, I think he’s dealing with enough hurt right now. You might not see it, but you kinda kicked him while he’s down, while he’s mourning. Or have you been so blinded by your need to avoid him that you’ve forgotten that he’s lost just as much as you have, if not more?” I bite the inside of my cheek, and allow her words to bounce around my head, the aftereffect being a guilt-ridden heart because, again, she’s right.
“I didn’t choose it deliberately,” I remind her. “They put me on the spot and that was the first song that popped into my head, so I ran with it.”
“But somewhere in your mind you must’ve known it would be the equivalent of resurrecting your past. Think about it, under the same sky? That was a promise he made you, and broke repeatedly. You may not have done it on purpose, but to him, it may have been a gut check he wasn’t prepared for.”
“What happened to being the president of the ‘Thorin is an ass’ club?”
“Yeeeeah, that was until I saw him. He looks miserable, Reese.” Mya’s expression turns sympathetic, and maybe somewhat sheepish. “I can admit when I’ve judged someone unfairly.”
I scoff. “And the teasing in the car? What was that about?”
Her slender shoulder moves up in the barest of shrugs. “I was doing my duty as your best friend, and giving him a hard time because the way he’s treated you this week isn’t fair, but, I know a man in pain when I see one. And he’s hurting, babe. Besides, how I treat him doesn’t matter, but how you treat him does.”
I cover my face with my hands, unable to deny a single word she’s just said. I didn’t mean to hurt him at the bonfire, but I did. I didn’t mean to kick him when he’s down, dealing with the same grief I am, but I did. And now I see that I’m at fault, as much as I hate admitting it. I peer at Mya between my fingers. “So, how do I fix it? Do I apologize for what I did?”
“Maybe,” Mya replies. “Either way, you can’t have a strenuous relationship with the man you’re raising a child with.”
I think about it for a moment, and decide the path of least resistance is the way to go. “I’ll just pretend the last week hasn’t happened, and focus on Eli.”
