Page 40

We catch our breath, which I only now notice is labored, and Reese side-steps me. “I’ll get him.”

I rub my hand down my face, turned on and frustrated all at once. Without saying another word, I lock myself in the bathroom, and shower until the water runs cold. By the time I’m done, Reese is fast asleep, and rather than disturb her, I grab a pillow and an extra blanket from the closet and fall onto the sofa. I’m too awake to sleep, so I stare at the lights beyond the window, turning everything over and over in my head. My most recurring thought is, can this happen between us? And every time, I tell myself it can’t. At least not until I’ve put my own demons to bed. The ones that remind me of what I did to Reese, the ones that stoke the anger buried so deep, I never thought I’d have to deal with it. I spent years believing I’d never see Reese again, convinced myself our paths would never cross, but now we’re here, thrown together by an ugly twist of fate, and all I want is to be worthy of her. I want her love. I want her smiles. I want her laughter. But I know, in order to earn all that, I have to face the boy who broke her, the one who broke promise after promise, and I have to understand why she did what she did, even if it is because of me. She might have put it behind her, but I’m foolish to think I ever did.

Chapter Sixteen

Reese

He’s slipping away from me, the distance between us breathes the same way I do. But who else can I blame except myself? I asked him to kiss me, and maybe in my mind I thought he was going to. And then Eli cried out, and Thorin became shuttered. Whatever fun we’d had yesterday has been forgotten, and in its place is a veritable awkwardness. There’s no teasing, no flirting, no laughter—just a quiet that’s too loud. Yesterday, I was glad Mya had chosen Thorin to do this with me, she was right when she said I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a stranger, but today I get the impression he wishes he was elsewhere. Not that he’s distracted. He executes every exercise with precision, and even takes an interest in how the computers show exactly which muscles are activated during each exercise. I can tell he’s enjoying it, but he’s just keeping his distance from me, and I have no idea if that should hurt or not. I’ve told myself a thousand times that we’re co-parenting, that being more is just too big a risk, but being with him, around him, in his space for the last two days has made me question the validity of my own argument. What if we tried? What if we just…started over? Could two people with a history like ours do that, or are we destined to be stuck in the roles we’ve been given? We’ve been forced into this, but I know, given the circumstances, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love Eli more than I thought I could. But what if Thorin told me what I wanted to hear, and feels obligated to stick around? What if this isn’t the life he wants at all, and just doesn’t know how to tell me? That can’t be right though, I see him with Eli, and notice how much they adore each other, it’s so palpable I feel it touch me when I witness it. Unless, it’s just me he doesn’t want in his life.

Ugh. I’m overthinking it, all of it, and it’s spiking my anxiety.

I rub my temples, and take a drink from my water. I feel a migraine coming on, and the timing can’t be worse. I still have a few more exercises to get through myself. We’ve done all the sequences—grouped by muscle group, HIIT, cardio-intensive and weight-intensive—and now we’re finishing up both mine and Thorin’s single exercises. Mya has been watching Eli, but I’ve been sure to feed him and hold him when I can, his routine is so out of sorts and I’m already worried about righting it when we get home.

“Everything okay?”

Mya’s voice snaps me from my daze, and I muster up a pathetic excuse for a smile. “Fine, just tired. Do you have some iBuprofen with you?”

“Headache?” She knows me. I nod, and sway side-to-side with Eli in my arms. He’s watching Thorin, letting out a little squeal every time he hears his voice. Thorin catches it, and smiles, but as soon as our eyes lock, his smile falters, and yep, that definitely hurts.

“So, I have a question.” Mya hands me two pills, and I gulp them down, praying to nip this in the bud before I’m forced to lock myself in a dark room.

“Shoot,” I tell her.

“What happened after dinner last night?”

“What do you mean?”

She quirks a brow. “I mean, last night I left the two of you in a pool of sexual tension I was sure you’d act on, and this morning, you’re barely speaking to each other.”

“Firstly, I’d never have sex with an infant in the same room, and yes, I know women who breastfeed do it all the time, but it just weirds me out on so many levels, and secondly,” I pause, look over at Thorin, and exhale loudly. “I asked him to kiss me, and then Eli interrupted, and now he’s being weird.”

“In other words,” Mya sighs, “you have no idea what’s going on, but you’re overthinking it like a madwoman right now.”

“Pretty much. But whatever, we have one night left here, and then everything will go back to how it was before. I can forget about asking him to kiss me and—”

“And then what?” Mya leans closer, so as to not draw attention to us. “You two are like frecking magnets, you think you’ll be able to keep things platonic once you’re back home?”

“I don’t know, Mya,” I reply a little too loudly. I’m exasperated enough as it is, I don’t need her feeding my doubts and absurd thoughts any more. “And why are you pushing this, anyway? You don’t even know how he feels about me. For all I know, I’m just the woman he’s stuck raising a baby with.”

“Is that how you feel?”

Mya and I whip around, and I freeze. I didn’t even see Thorin move from his spot in front of the camera. I stopped watching him when the thoughts in my head started fighting for space.

“You think I see you as just the ‘woman I’m stuck raising a baby with’? Really, Reese?”

Crap.

“Thorin, I—”

“If that’s how I saw you, I wouldn’t be here,” he says simply. “I wouldn’t…” His words trail off, and he scratches his chin. “You know what, just forget it.” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond. His back is to me, and he’s walking away. Then they’re calling me for my last few recordings. I go through the motions, doing what my body knows, muscle memory kicking in. I switch the rest off, and block Thorin out until our tech team has everything they need. Mya and I test the beta version of the app, and for the first time all afternoon, I’m giddy again.

“We should have the final bells and whistles on in a few days,” Luke, our head developer, says. “We’ve also set up a super easy dashboard for you and Mya, so you can add or remove content whenever you want. And you’ll have access to all the sales and earnings reports, and you’ll know exactly how many people have bought and downloaded your app.”

Mya high-fives Luke. “Yes! This is so cool.”

“Did you want to show Thorin?” Luke asks me.

I look around, my brows furrowed. He should have been out of the changing rooms by now, and I can’t see him anywhere in the open-plan studio.