Page 42

MIKA

I’m on my way home from work, already planning the barbecue with my family for tonight. I’ve loved having my parents here, and refuse to even think about when they’re leaving. Fortunately, my mood has improved significantly since this morning, but I have this eery feeling in my gut that Dion is going to fuck it up somehow. I haven’t heard from her at all today, and I was expecting to after the InstaFam update I did late last night, but she hasn’t so much as sent me a text. Maybe I’m wrong to assume she’ll reach out after the way I treated her this morning, but in my defense, I was still angry. And I’m man enough to admit that I’m angry with myself too. I made the fatal mistake of dipping my toes into my own feelings, only to realize that I truly care about a woman who drives me crazy. She has since the day we met. It’s impossible, right? To meet someone, fuck around for a bit — for lack of a better description — and then feel the urge to take it further than the bedroom. And I’m not referring to the dinner date we had because that just ended up being an all-night fuck-fest anyway. I’m talking about dating, the real-mccoy. Not whatever Dion and I have been indulging in as of late. Shaking my head, I tell myself I’m not going to think about her now, and ruin my evening, and for the most part, I’m successful.

Aroha’s outside in the pool with my father when I walk in, and my mother and sister are laughing at something from behind the kitchen island.

“Hey, Mum. Ny. What’s going on?”

Nyree snorts, and from the expression on Mum’s face, it looks like they’ve been laughing for a good while.

“Did you send Dion a mansion for Lola?” Mum asks, snickering with Nyree. My brows furrow. “Yes, I did. She needed a proper house so that Lola would not only be safer, but so she could recover from her surgery when I release her.” It was an impulse-buy, considering Lola’s welfare outside of the clinic isn’t really my business, and she’s not my pet, but Dion has a history of letting her get out and has threatened to turn her into a pie on multiple occasions. In good conscience, I can’t have that. So, I hopped onto good ol’ Amazon, and ordered a bunny house for the yard. Of course, I sent Zach a screenshot, and asked if they had the space, to which he replied, “Yes.”

“Well,” Nyree giggles, and Mum is wiping tears from her eyes, “Dion and her friends have been trying to assemble it while drinking wine, and have kind of built it around Amelia.” What now? “Look.” Nyree hands me her phone, and I almost can’t believe what I’m seeing. Almost. Because it’s live on Instagram. “This video is a close second to the one you did last night,” Nyree adds. “The comments are hilarious.” I watch in mild horror as Dion and her friends, who are all clearly drunk, try to assemble an outdoor bunny house in the confines of her entrance hall. And as is Dion’s way, she’s not wearing pants. She’s a mess, Jesus. I’m firm in my decision not to go over there and do it myself because Dion is making a complete fool of herself, and even more so when she publicly issues a challenge. “Mika, if you’re watching, you should just come build this monstrosity yourself, it’ll be better than taking your anger out on me.” Dion hiccups, and then bursts into a fit of giggles.

“I’m going outside,” I tell Nyree. “Mum, do you have everything you need for the salads? I’m going to get the grill going soon.”

“Of course, honey.” She tries to contain her own laughter but fails when she looks at my sister. The two of them? Two peas in a pod, I tell you. Aroha’s giggles seem to be the only thing that draws my attention away from Dion and her shenanigans, and I’m smiling when my father throws her little body in the air, and then catches it before she hits the water. He’s been teaching her to swim, and rather than feel bad about not having the time to do it myself, I let him. He doesn’t get nearly as much time with her as he should.

“Papa!” she squeals. “Koroua has been in the pool with me alll afternoon!” Dad throws her up again, and her child-like delight is rather infectious. When she surfaces from under the water, Dad holds her so she can wipe her hair from her face and catch her breath. “Is Lola okay today?” she asks, her breaths coming in short bursts. “Holly-Anna was really sad today because she’s at her daddy’s house this weekend and can’t see her bunny.”

Talk about a mouthful. “Yeah, puawai, she’s fine today. We’ll keep her at the clinic until Monday.”

“And is Dion your girlfriend?” Aroha blurts out, tilting her head. “Because Holly-Anna said you’re her mom’s boyfriend.” She scrunches her nose as if the idea repulses her, and quite honestly, if dating appealed to my six-year-old daughter, I’d be worried. What doesn’t escape my attention though, is that the possibility of me dating might not sit well with her. Admittedly, Nyree’s words from late last night have stayed with me and are part of why I was in a shitty mood when I woke up. You’d think I’d have been happier, considering I had sex with Dion in my bed, but it’s the not-dating part that’s stoking my already burgeoning vexation. Perhaps vexation is too strong a wo— nope, I’m pissed with Dion. That’s all there is to it.

Instead of outright denying it, I place my hands on my hips and look at my daughter, aware that at this age, her young mind is like a sponge. It absorbs everything, and what I say and do over the next few years will help shape her ideas, her perceptions, and her understanding of life in general. And that does include how she will feel about any woman that may come into my life because until now, it’s just been me, and my kid.

“Can I ask you a serious question, puawai?”

She nods, and sensing the importance of this conversation, Dad brings Aroha to the edge of the pool. He lifts her out of the water, and I drop to my haunches so that we’re eye-level. I’ve had some ‘serious’ conversations with Aroha before, and maybe some parents will ridicule me for it later, but I’m a single parent trying to fill both the role of Mom and Dad, and sometimes, I have been honest with my daughter in a way that may seem inappropriate to other parents. This is one of those times, except I know my parents won’t ridicule me. They know how I approach parenting, that my daughter always comes first, and that everything I do is for her.

“Would you be upset if Dion was my girlfriend?” Aroha doesn’t need to know that for the time being, it’s a complete hypothetical. She looks at me, and for a child her age, her gaze can be intense. She sees things a lot of kids won’t at her age, which is why the question is important, hypothetical or not. Because while I may not end up dating Dion, Nyree’s right. Aroha will have to get used to the idea of me dating. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life — I’m only in my mid-thirties — and I’d like to give Aroha a well-rounded childhood. Eventually, it will have to include a woman, but if not now, then when? When is it the right time to introduce a woman to your daughter? Is there even such a thing? I’m surprised to find I’m holding my breath in anticipation of her answer, already worrying about how to deal with it if the notion of me dating will upset her.

“Will she be my mommy?” she asks. It’s so earnest, but also brimming with curiosity. It makes me wonder if I’m remiss in assuming she is okay with only having one parent.

“No, puawai, she won’t be your mommy. But she’ll be an important part of our life, and I need to know you’ll be okay with that.” It hits me then that Dion is already important to me, even if the feelings aren’t reciprocated. At this point, I’m not sure they are. Regardless, this conversation is applicable to any woman who may come into my life after Dion.

“Well,” she looks down at her toes, wringing her hands together, and then glances back up at me. “If she’s your girlfriend, does that mean you won’t be alone anymore?” To say I’m taken aback by her question is an understatement. I look at my father, who simply shrugs, before looking back at Aroha. “What do you mean, puawai?”

“You put me to sleep at night, but I snucked out before Kuia and Koroua came to visit us, and you’re always by yourself at night.” For whatever reason, this upsets her. Her lip starts to tremble, and her eyes gloss over. “I don’t want you to be lonely, Papa.” God, I have no idea what I did to deserve this little girl, but I’m grateful she’s mine. She throws herself at me, and I almost fall over, but she hugs me tight, sniffling into my neck.

I look to my father for an explanation as to why Aroha is suddenly so emotional, but he shakes his head. “She said something to your mum, Mikaere. She might have overheard Mum and Ny talking about it earlier.”

I sigh, rubbing Aroha’s back until she pulls away. “I like Dion.”

“Well, puawai, so do I.”

Aroha takes a bath, and when she’s done, we all sit outside on the patio and have dinner. I’m at the head of the table, Aroha to my left, Dad to my right, and Nyree and Mum beside them. There’s a weird energy at the table, and my parents and Nyree keep sharing looks. I place my knife and fork down, and wipe my mouth before asking, “What is it?” My first thought is that either Mum or Dad are sick, and they don’t know how to tell me. Even more ludicrous than that, I wonder if Mum and Dad want a divorce, but they’re as in love now as they were when they were teenagers in high school. Mum looks at Dad, who nods, and that’s when I see Nyree’s smile.

Dad clears his throat. “Mikere, your Mum and I have been thinking.”

“And talking,” Mum adds. “A lot, actually.”

I look between them. “About?”

“Well,” Dad continues, “we’re not getting any younger, and we want to be able to see you, and Nyree more often, and we want to see Aroha grow up.”

Hell, I want that too, but that would mean, “You’re thinking of immigrating?”

Nyree claps excitedly, making my parents laugh. Aroha looks at my parents with wide, hopeful eyes.