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No Man’s Territory

Page 24

by Duncan Gaye

The nurse watched him from the entrance to the tent. Her arms were crossed, and her smile was the smallest thing, but it was there. He looked at her, and then past her, at the shape of the tents beyond, at the sliver of sky that was neither gray nor blue but some hybrid that admitted the existence of both. He thought of Tomasz, somewhere beyond the horizon, moving through mud and rain and the machinery of war, enduring the endless labor of carrying forward.

He did not know if he would see him again. That was not a story the present moment was prepared to offer. But he knew that Tomasz carried him all the way to the edge of this space, to the border between survival and something like living. He knew that his absence was not an erasure, but a persistence, a kind of echo that vibrated in the hollows of his new body and in the rough-hewn beads pressed against his heart.

He took a step. The crutches were heavy, but they provided support. The world did not end with the movement, it rearranged itself, as if to accommodate the possibility that someone could exist in this new configuration.

He closed his eyes and, for a moment, imagined the pressure of enormous hands on either side of his chest, bracing him, holding him upright, refusing to let him collapse. He took another step, and then another, moving forward into the aisle of the tent, toward the rectangle of gray light that promised the world beyond.

He walked as far as he could, just a few wobbly steps. When he could go no further, he stood at the tent flap and listened to the sound of rain, thinking of their sanctuary, and strained his ears for the sound of footsteps that might follow.

***

THE BRITISH DOCTOR arrived with an air of expectation, as if nothing would disrupt his daily routine. He moved through the hospital tents with a detached attitude, switching between patients with such regularity he allocated them each a precise amount of time. He clutched his clipboard in his left hand and held his pencil in his right, ready to make his notes and record his observations, human suffering translated into standardized charts.

Approaching Alistair's cot, he kept his eyes fixed on the papers, not the officer's face. He did not start with a greeting. Instead, he announced his role. This made it clear he was there in a professional capacity, not a human one.

"Lieutenant Harrow," he said, flipping through pages. "I'm Dr. Mitchell. I performed the amputation. How are you tolerating the postoperative period?"

The question came in a tone like he was asking about the weather, and he did not seem to wait for an answer before examining the stump. He checked the bandages but did not look at Alistair’s face. He ignored everything except the material proof of his surgery.

The bandages were clean. The site was healing appropriately. The color of the surrounding tissue suggested the infection had not taken hold. The body's internal chemistry was accepting the amputation. It was beginning the work of adjusting to the absence of the limb.

Dr. Mitchell made notes on his clipboard. The scratch of the pencil was audible in the relative quiet of the tent. The officer's entire experience—carrying, fever, crossing, and rescue—were reduced to simple items on a checklist.

"The right leg is healing satisfactorily," he continued, his eyes tracking down the page as if reading from a script. "The plaster is doing its work. We expect that you'll keep function in that leg, though you'll be mobile only with the aid of a prosthetic device for the left. It's not ideal, but you're fortunate that you survived at all. Many would not have made it this far."

There was something in his tone that suggested that Alistair should be grateful. He should feel satisfied with this assessment. He must accept the amputation as a cost of survival. He should not expect more than just the technical care for his wounds.

Alistair gathered his voice. He still struggled to speak, but he assembled the strength to say what he needed. The question arrived quietly, but it was clear enough that the doctor heard it.

"What was his name?" Alistair asked. "The man who brought me in. Do you know what his name was?"

Dr. Mitchell paused, looking up from his clipboard for the first time since entering the tent. He gave Alistair a perplexed glance, as if deciding whether the question was relevant to the hospital's records. His expression indicated that he did not think it was. He did not see the point of asking about something unrelated to the postoperative care plan or the patient's healing progress.

"Ah," he said, as if he had suddenly recalled something that he filed away in some less important compartment of his memory. "The man who carried you in. Yes. Large fellow. Polish, I believe. Volunteer with the Blue Army contingent. Thomas...Novak? Novick? Something like that. We're recommending a military medal for his actions. Extraordinary strength. He didn't stick around, though. Returned to his unit yesterday. Probably received orders."

The name floated in the tent, mispronounced and strange, "TOM-ash," he said softly. "His name was Tomasz."

The doctor did not hear him. He had already turned his attention back to his clipboard and was moving on to the next patient. He organized the officer's recovery details into the categories the military required for their forms. He did not acknowledge the correction.

Alistair lay back against the thin pillow. His right hand again found the rosary beneath his shirt, the small beads that Tomasz had entrusted to him. The object now endured as the tangible proof of everything. Tomasz had been real. The crossing had occurred, as had the sanctuary and the kiss.

Alistair held the beads between his fingers. They were rough, real, nothing like the smooth glass rosary his grandmother kept in her desk. They were now the entirety of what he had left. They were the link that connected him across distance and time. They were the only way that he would continue to maintain the presence of the man who carried him.

The rain continued to fall outside the tent. The gray light in the canvas space ignored human suffering and the personal revolutions taking place inside it. It merely provided a backdrop. The war machine and the medical machine would continue their parallel work of transforming human bodies into something they were able to understand and manage.

But in that indifferent space, Alistair clutched the rosary and whispered the name Tomasz. He knew that what he had been given would stay with him. It would outlast the amputation. It would rise above the system that was actively trying to reduce his experience to documented and filed categories.

Je le porte, he thought. Now I carry him. The burden shifted.

The rosary rested against his torso. The rain drummed steadily against the canvas. He closed his eyes and, for a moment, felt Tomasz’s incredible presence wash over him one more time. Chest to chest, skin to skin, body to body, man to man.

He lay in the hospital tent, his left leg ending in bandages and amputation, his right leg encased in plaster. His small frame felt diminished and incomplete. Alistair understood that the crossing had not ended but had transformed.

Pale columns of light filtered through the tent, seeming almost solid. If only they might support the weight of all that they endured, lost, and found in the liminal space between darkness and survival. Wherever Tomasz was headed, whatever the war had in store for him, he carried with him the knowledge that he was remembered, cherished. His actions mattered in a way that went beyond war, geography, history, death, and even love.

The rain continued. Somewhere, the distant purr of engines. Alistair held the rosary and closed his eyes.

Chapter 10 - The Note