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She waved him off. “A scarred, wounded Duke is quite the thing.” She watched him closely, grey eyes sharp. “You’re only making yourself more intriguing to the women of the ton.”
He shifted in his chair. He didn’t like that look.
“Tell me of Ironcrest.”
He glanced away and steeled himself against the riot of anguish that erupted inside him. “It was as you would expect,” he said tightly to the rug on his study floor. “Miserable.”
Grandmama hummed. “Abigail? How does she fare? Young Lord Sebastian?”
Rafe snorted. “Sebastian is anything but young any longer. He is eighteen and quite the rapscallion.”
His grandmother’s silver brows lifted. “You speak with familiarity.”
Pressure hit his sternum, and he rubbed at it. At the other unwelcome feeling that had plagued him every day since he’d awoken. Guilt. He’d left without so much as a farewell. And he knew how that would have wounded his brother. He’d been at Ironcrest for such a short time, but it had been like that fortnight had erased all those years of distance. He’d come to know his brother so quickly, so easily. They’d slipped into place like it was how they’d always been meant to be. He shifted. It wasn’t a feeling he was used to. He…he missed them. Which made him slightly nauseous.
“Abigail fares well. Lord Sebastian too,” he said gruffly.
“That is all you’ll provide me?” Grandmama looked unimpressed. “You spent more time there than I’d ever have expected you to. If I’d have wagered, I would have lost the entire estate’s fortune. And it appears not only did you partake in an extended stay, but you also developed relationships. You. My grandson. Who is the antithesis of social and affable. The only person you speak with is Roderick. Or a woman if you are seeking…companionship. And even then, it has been said you barely speak.”
Rafe grimaced. “I would much prefer pretending you do not know of such things about me.”
Grandmama snorted elegantly. “As would I, but alas, I have overheard details I never wanted to hear on one too many occasions in ballrooms and drawing rooms, Raffy. The ladies of London love nothing more than gossip, and you carry quite a reputation. That was not something I’d ever cared to learn of.”
Dear Lord. Moving on from that.
“Abigail was kind,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t interested in becoming acquainted with either of them, but…”
It’d happened. Both Abigail and Sebastian had wanted to get to know him. She had encouraged it. He’d somehow softened some of his iron edges and had begun letting others in.
It’d been a mistake with Miss Dawson. But it hadn’t been with his stepmother and brother.
“Perhaps it is time to finally invite them to Ironcrest House.” It wasn’t the first time Grandmama had suggested it. Rafe had always immediately quelled it, though. He’d wanted nothing to do with the living ghosts of his past. To pretend they didn’t exist, just like he pretended Ironcrest didn’t exist.
Coward.
His father had been correct.
“I wrote to them.” His grandmother studied him. “When you were at your worst. I thought it prudent Abigail prepare Lord Sebastian.”
Rafe’s eyes sank shut. He couldn’t imagine what that news would have done to Sebastian.
“I immediately sent a letter once you’d awoken. Which just so happened to be shortly after I posted the first letter.” She sighed dramatically. “You had quite horrible timing.”
His lips twitched. “My apologies.”
She pursed her lips, her countenance unimpressed. “I expect many more apologies from you. At my age? Putting my heart through what you did? It was extremely inconsiderate. You and Roderick have found yourselves in no small amount of mischief over the years, but this one surpasses them all.”
Rafe bit his cheek against a smile. It might not be conventional, but this was how he and Grandmama expressed how they cared for each other. Her chastisement was her way of expressing how much she loved him. How much he’d terrified her. She’d never ever admit it; she had too many years of residing within her own iron fortress.
“I love you too, Grandmama,” he murmured.
Her eyes widened, and her mouth popped open. For once, the Dowager Duchess of Ironcrest’s composure completely fled her. This may have been the first time Rafe had ever truly shocked her.
“Did the accident do something to your mind? I have heard that injuries to the head can alter a person’s disposition.”
If only that were the reason why.
His visit had changed him. Irrevocably. Not everyone may be deserving of it, but for those he knew without a doubt were…he was going to be better. Grandmama, Roderick, Rupert…his stepmother and brother. And he owed Abigail and Sebastian an apology, especially after Grandmama sent them a letter essentially informing them of his impending death. He scrubbed a hand down his face. What a sodding mess.
