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If only he bloody knew. There was something in the pup’s request to dine with him and his mother that had Rafe’s refusal dying on his lips.

And perhaps you can get to know Sebastian. He could use a man’s influence. A good man’s influence.

It was lonely for him growing up here

He rubbed his chest and growled. God fucking dammit. What was this? A conscience? Why did he have to develop one now?

You’ve always had one. That was the problem.

And eventually his father learned it wasn’t something he could beat or terrorize out of him.

He paused just outside the dining hall. The leather of his gloves squeaked as he balled his fists.

One dinner. Just Her Grace and Lord Sebastian.

And a lifetime of nightmares.

He hardened himself and stepped into the chamber.

Abigail’s attention flew to him, and she instantly smiled, pushing to her feet. “Your Grace.”

Rafe let out a slow breath as he dipped his chin in greeting. If he just focused on his stepmother, perhaps he could keep the memories at bay.

“Your Grace,” came a deep voice from opposite Abigail.

Rafe’s gaze flicked to his brother. There was no mistaking the surprise in his eyes. He hadn’t expected Rafe to show. “Lord Sebastian.”

Silence blanketed the room. Rafe couldn’t seem to get his feet to move. Plates of food were set before his brother and stepmother, both untouched. Waiting for him. And a third plate—Rafe sucked in a breath—at the head of the table. His father’s seat. Now his.

And he couldn’t hold them off any longer. They came crashing in, a surge out of nowhere with no chance to fight it. He was dragged under, fingers grasping, wrapping around his throat. Pulling him deeper into the dark depths his demons inhabited. Until all he saw was them.

His father’s dark grey eyes glittered as he surveyed the merriment in his dining hall. Rafe to his right. Men’s raucous laughter. Grunts and moans. The dead look in the women’s eyes. Not that they started out that way. No, they’d started out full of life. Tinkling laughter, purrs, and smiles. Until they realized what exactly they’d been brought there for. His father leaning closer to Rafe, nodding toward one of his comrades abusing a woman. It’ll be your turn soon enough.

His gut revolted, twisting violently.

“Raphael.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. But it only made it worse. He’d never forget those pale hazel eyes, the ones always on Rafe. Every time.

“Raphael.”

His eyes flew open. Abigail was a foot in front of him, blond brows pinched tight. Her green eyes searched his. “We don’t have to do this,” she whispered.

She understood, even if she never would fully. She was never present at his father’s orgies. The only person who got access to Abigail was Father.

“It’s fine.” But the hoarseness of his voice belied his words. He cleared his throat. “Let us sit.”

His gaze fell on the plate in front of his father’s seat. His pulse drummed in his ears. A movement drew his attention. Abigail’s hand was outstretched, offered to him. He lifted his elbow, and she slid her arm into his, gripping him tight. She sent him a small, encouraging smile. His heart was beating so fast the room seemed to tilt as they walked to his chair. But Abigail’s grip only tightened.

He focused on that pressure. On the fingertips digging into the flesh of his bicep. Of the constricting grip around his arm instead of the one around his throat.

After they’d taken their seats, Rafe stared down at the roast lamb, a green mint sauce drizzled over it. Asparagus spears and young carrots were gracefully arranged next to new potatoes. Perfect. Pleasant.

He wouldn’t be able to stomach a bite of it.

He reached for the glass of Madeira set out for him instead. Lord Sebastian’s gaze bounced between Rafe and his mother. His green eyes were still wide, but the shock seemed to have been replaced with alarm.

“How does your grandmother do?” his stepmother asked before cutting into her lamb. She glanced back up at him, eyes so open, so…encouraging. How? How could she possibly live here and still hold on to any semblance of normalcy? It was as though she was unmarked by this place.