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“Then you’ll understand where I’m coming from.” Alice’s eyes narrow. “My last memory of Sydney was this shrunken husk of herself. She was so full of anger and hatred over how the world had treated her, and I barely recognised the friend I loved. When I met up with her last weekend, she was different, all happy and smiley. Her life has finally worked itself out after having her family torn apart. She was the Sydney I remembered, and I was so relieved, so ecstatic for her, that it nearly choked me.”

She smiles to herself, but then her face drops.

“And then she asked about me, about my life and whether I was with someone, and her face was so hopeful… and I knew that if I told her I was still on my own, had yet to find the man of my dreams, it would’ve burst that bubble, the bubble she deserves and has been waiting a hell of a long time for. And I couldn’t do it.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t want to disappoint her, didn’t want to make her feel sad for me because she’d spent too long being sad.” She stares at me before saying, “Does that make sense?”

The lump in the back of my throat is impossible to swallow as I think back to Smithy and Romana and how upset they were when my life fell apart, and how they started asking me round for tea to make sure I was okay.

And when I wasn’t okay, I can still see the sadness in Smithy’s eyes that his friend was broken, and he wanted nothing more than to fix me, but he couldn’t. No one could. And I’d tell him I was okay, that everything was fine, not because I wanted it to be for me, but because I wanted it to be for him, for both Smithy and Romana, because my hurt was hurting them, which is far worse than your own hurt.

I manage to swallow before saying, “I understand.”

“But you’re right. It’s such a stupid thing to do. I’m thirty-six, and you’re—” She dashes her hand at me but doesn’t give me a chance to tell her how old I am before she carries on talking. “I don’t even know how old you are, but I understand if you don’t want to go ahead with this thing. It’s stupid. It’s lame and ridiculous, and I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea.”

There’s a pause when all I can hear is the buzz of a bee on the lavender by the fence and the hum of the distant traffic on one of the roads. I know she’s waiting for me to speak.

This is my chance to back out. It’s my get out of jail free card. But then I see the look in her eyes, feel everything she’s said to me just now in the pit of my stomach, and I know exactly what I’m going to say.

“I can’t promise you an Oscar-winning performance, or that I’ll even pass as your boyfriend, but I’m happy to go to your friend’s wedding with you.”

She looks up, her eyes wide and brilliant. “You are?”

“Sure. I need a new suit anyway, so it’s a good excuse to buy one.” I try to sound flippant, but I’ve never been flippant in my entire life, and I’m not about to start now.

“I can’t believe you’re still coming with me,” she gushes, her cheeks glowing, her eyes now sparkling.

“I wouldn’t want to let you down, and although your strategies are… well, let’s just say, strange, your motives are selfless. Besides, I have a motive myself, which is very similar to yours,” I admit, not knowing why I’m choosing to confess this to her.

Alice straightens. “You do?”

“My oldest friend has been pestering me for ages to go out on a date.” I pause to scratch my chin, and Alice jumps in.

“You need me to be your fake girlfriend in front of him?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I told you I’m a terrible liar, especially with Smithy. He’s my oldest friend, and he’d see through it straight away. I’ve been honest with him, told him what’s going on, what this is.” I flap my hand between us to emphasise what “this” is without knowing at all what “this” is.

I know what I’d like it to be, but that’s impossible. Okay, maybe not impossible, but it certainly wouldn’t work out, which is why I need to stay clear of making “this” into something it isn’t.

“I’m not sure how I’m helping you, then.” Alice looks sad again, and I hate it.

“As you know, I don’t go out very often, so going to this wedding with you is a big deal, and Smithy knows this. He was pleased when I said I was fake-dating you and going to the wedding. In his eyes, I’m ‘getting out there.’” I air-quote Smithy while rolling my eyes.

“Okay.”

“Paul and I go to Smithy’s every Thursday for tea, and when I mentioned to them—Smithy and his wife, Romana—about Operation Wedding, they were happy and wanted to meet the woman who’s lured me out of my solitary cave. So, are you free next Thursday evening?”

I rush to get the last bit out before I can backtrack, because this whole thing is so alien to me that I feel like I’ve just been dropped here from another planet.

“Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense. And yes, I’m absolutely free.” Breezy Alice is back, the one who isn’t fazed by anything and will happily come to some stranger’s house for tea, knowing absolutely nothing about them, whereas I’d need to do a week’s worth of reconnaissance before even agreeing to such a thing.

“Smithy makes the most amazing chilli,” I add, just in case she’s about to change her mind.

“Great. Well, I can do Thursday.”

“We’ll sort the details out on Sunday when we go shopping,” I tell her.

“Sure.”

She looks relaxed, like her normal self, which makes me feel better, but just to make sure, I add, “And I’m thirty-eight.”