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“That’s such a fucking Victor Reynard thing to say.”
The vampire happily chowing down on the naked guy lifted his gaze, saw me, and withdrew his fangs from the man’s neck. He still clutched him close, but now the vampire glared at me, then Zee, then Victor.
“Must you watch while I’m in the middle of dinner?” he asked in a lofty British voice. Then his gaze switched back to me. “Are you human?”
“Erm . . . Maybe?”
The vampire shoved his prey aside and got that predatory look in his eyes.
“No. Nope.” Zee raised his sword. “Don’t you fucking think about hurting Adam. I’ll slice your balls off and shove them up your asshole.”
“Just a little taste.” The Brit started forward.
“You do see my sword, right? Is it fucking invisible? Has my magnificently tight top distracted your limited vampire brain?”
“Continue on this course and suffer the consequences,” Victor warned, but the Brit wasn’t listening. With his fangs out, he was clearly coming for me. To be fair, I deliberately looked like easy prey. I could have told him I wasn’t human, could have warned him that the next step would be his last. But experience had taught me, they never listened anyway.
Victor lunged, grabbed the Brit, and slammed him against the nearest tree, pinning him there by the throat. Zee thrust Shareen through the vampire’s chest, skewering him to the redwood. Then he tore the blade free and in one vicious swing, severed the vampire’s head from his neck.
“You sign a waiver for that?” Zee snarled, wiping Shareen clean across his thigh.
The entire execution was over in no more than three seconds. Not only had Victor and Zee worked flawlessly together, they’d looked hot doing it. Mercy. That had been unexpected.
“Oh my God!” the man on the ground whimpered. “He was going to kill me! They’re not supposed to do that!”
I helped him up. “You okay?”
He wobbled on his bare feet and clung to my arm. “I’m naked, my neck hurts, my gun doesn’t work, and I’m lost in a wood full of vampires? Who the fuck would be okay with this?”
“That’s fair, I guess. Maybe take a few breaths, okay? You’re safe now.”
He gulped air and wheezed, “You saved me.”
“Oh, I didn’t—I mean, they did the saving part.”
Zee saluted and Victor’s expression didn’t change. He continued to glare like an uninterested, suit-clad vampire statue.
“Thank you,” the naked man gasped. “Thank you so much. I owe you my life!”
“You are welcome,” Zee grinned. “All you gotta do is leave a five-star review for the SOS Hotel and tell all your friends to come sleep with us.”
“The what hotel?” Now he was regaining his wits, he looked us over again. “Who are you people?”
It was probably best not to give out our names. “We came here to save some friends.”
Zee spun his sword and rested the flat side of the blade on his shoulder. “Did you see a chapel while running for your life?”
“Yeah, back that way.” Her jerked his head, indicating behind him. “But we should get out of here. There are vampires everywhere.”
“Will you show us the chapel, and we’ll help you get to safety?” I asked.
“I dunno. I mean, no offense, but you guys seem kinda weird.”
“We’re weird?” Zee huffed. “You’re naked.”
“I guess I’m safer with you.” He dropped his broken rifle and extended a grubby hand. “I’m Kenzo.”
“Awesome name,” Zee said, while I took Kenzo’s hand a second time and gave it a polite shake. “I’m Zee,” Zee continued, then poked his sword at Victor. “This is Daddy Fancy Pants, and that’s Adam.”
