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“No reason? What about the fact that everyone hates Pyetar? I’m pretty sure Tonhald thinks he is going to kidnap me and keep me locked up at the fort. Or murder me, one of the two.” Iryana shook her head in frustration. “What about the fact that he’s a general, and there’s no leaving the 18th. There is no future between us.”

“That doesn’t mean there isn’t a now,” Hadima argued.

Misha rolled her eyes. “You’ve clearly thought this out. Clearly, it’s a sign you want to find a way to make it work.”

Iryana looked between her sisters, who were watching her so intensely that it made her squirm.

She was afraid to acknowledge her feelings to herself, let alone her sisters, especially now that what little chance they had for a future had dwindled to nothing. She didn’t want to think about what would come after their… fling had run its course. Talking about it, admitting to anyone else, seemed like it would rip those feelings out of the box she’d tried to keep them in.

And even though they seemed curious, what would her sisters think? Would they judge her?

“If it helps you feel more comfortable, I can share something first…” Hadima glanced nervously between the two of them. “I had a brief thing with Sorahn Omisold.”

“What!” Misha shrieked, while Iryana stared dumbfounded.

Hadima just tapped her fingers together, lips pursed awkwardly as she looked around the room.

“When did you see the Omisold Second?” Iryana demanded.

“It was while I was at the Cavta Post. There was a messenger from New Omis that his sister was injured, and they knew I was there, they have a healer but he isn’t forged… so they asked me to come. I brought my trainee, made it a learning experience and… well.” Hadima waved her hands. “It doesn’t matter; there’s no future there either. But I slept with him.”

When someone married a guardian, they were brought into the clan. All other ties were lost. It was why guardians, despite being in the ketsan, usually married commoners. Other nobility rarely wanted to give up their inheritance and titles to join the clan. But it was a huge taboo to court anyone from another clan, for it would require one of them to forsake their ties to their clan, which was unforgivable.

For Hadima to sleep with someone from another clan—a Second at that—was controversial at best. She couldn’t imagine her proper sister doing something so… scandalous.

“How was it?” Misha asked.

“Misha!” Hadima scolded. “You’re too young to think about those things!”

“For now.” Misha crossed her arms, and Iryana choked.

Hadima was still shaking her head at Misha, but she turned to Iryana. “The point is, I shared a secret. I had a… dalliance with no future. Now it’s your turn, Iryana.”

She wanted this, wanted to be able to tell her sisters everything. Wanted to know them, too. Sisters shared secrets. She’d told them about the gods’ war, about the dakii being an army. What was one more thing?

“Okay, yes. Pyetar has… a thing for me. And it’s mutual.” Gods, why was this so awkward? “It sort of started before we took down Karvek, but it was too dangerous before. And now it’s… hopeless.”

“Do you love him?” Misha demanded, tossing the paper flowers she was stringing together off to the side. She leaned forward so intently that Iryana shrank back. There was something beneath that veneer of excitement, something scared.

“I—” Iryana forced a breath to steady her fluttering heart. “I might, but I don’t want to admit that—to myself or anyone else—if it’s doomed.”

“Are you going to leave the clan to be with him?” Misha’s voice was hard now, more adult than she’d ever sounded, and suddenly Iryana understood Misha’s interest.

It didn’t matter that becoming Third was for life, that Iryana had vowed to lead the family until she died. Her sister still didn’t trust it.

“Never.” Iryana pushed every bit of conviction she had into that word.

Misha clenched her jaw, looking down. “Mom left the clan. It’s not much of a stretch to think you might.”

Hadima gasped. “Misha!”

But Iryana just smoothed her skirt with shaking hands. “Nothing and no one, certainly no man, will ever pull me away from this family now.”

“What if—” Misha started, but Iryana immediately cut her off. “Never, Misha. Never. I’m not leaving.”

Misha looked between Iryana’s eyes, like she was searching for the truth. Hadima watched their little sister with concern.

“Alright,” Misha finally said. She seemed to relax, her eyes brightening as she slid the veneer of joy back over her face. “Then tell us, have you slept with him?”