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“I don’t know,” Iryana squeaked.

“Find her!” her father demanded.

Iryana skittered out of her parent’s room and dropped the basket on the floor.

“Iri?” her little sister asked as Iryana ran past her.

“Stay here!” Iryana barked.

She searched the garden and the barns, the nearby forest where her mother liked to forage. Even ran down the valley to the village where the markets were held. She asked a cousin if her mother had come to the main house. She hadn’t.

The realization slowly sank in that her mother was truly gone. Had left without a word. Had left like they were nothing.

When Iryana made it back to her cottage, her braids were fraying and she couldn’t catch her breath. Misha was where she had left her, the door to her parents’ room looming on the far side of the cottage. She didn’t want to go in. Didn’t want to anger her father. But someone had to do it, and she’d already messed up enough.

“I can’t find her,” she told her father, staring at her feet as she padded into the room.

He was silent for a moment, but the air turned thick and charged.

“What did you do!” Spit sprayed out of his mouth. “You better hope she comes back, but I wouldn’t stick around for a daughter like you either. Luckily for you, I can’t get out of this gods-damned fucking bed to leave!”

Iryana flinched as he raged about her failings.

Her mother always said her father was the meanest when the poppy was wearing off. That it was the pain that made his words cut, and he didn’t really mean it. But her mother was gone and Iryana couldn’t stop herself from believing him.

She just wanted her mother to hold her, to say it was all right that Iryana never behaved. That she still loved her. Wanted to lay her head on her mother’s skirts and feel her hands running through her hair.

“I’m sorry,” Iryana cried, her knees dropping to the wooden floor. “I’ll be better, I promise.”

“It’s too late! She’s gone!”

“Iri?” Her sister’s concerned voice cut through the darkness.

With a groan, Iryana forced her eyes open to see wooden floors and Hadima’s concerned face looming over her. She shifted and groaned again. Her body was painfully stiff from sleeping on the floor.

“What are you doing down here?” Hadima grabbed her arm to help her sit up.

The day before slowly came back to her, but she was numb to the pain as it washed over her. She felt like she’d been chewed up and spat back out. Her insides scraped out.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she croaked, rubbing at her swollen eyes.

Hadima frowned at her, still in her nightgown. Her hair hung down her back in a single golden braid, not yet tidied and pinned up for the day.

“Did you worry when I wasn’t in bed?” she asked softly, stomach souring. Had Hadima worried she’d left?

Hadima tutted. “Of course I did. I worried you were alone and hurting and maybe you needed your big sister.”

She relaxed slightly, leaning against the drawers of Hadima’s worktable. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. How are you feeling?”

Iryana shrugged. She felt hollowed out and drained. Exhaustion had sunken into her bones. But she didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want to feel it anymore.

“Let me make you something to put on your eyes,” Hadima offered, already rushing around her workshop.

“Is Misha up yet?” She didn’t want her to wake up alone.

“I went to get breakfast once we found you,” Misha answered for herself, pushing the door open with her hip, awkwardly carrying three bowls in her arms.