Page 32

“Caelan.” I must be caught up in my thoughts for too long because his voice drips with irritation. “I said⁠—”

“I heard you, Dax,” I interrupt, refusing to turn and face him. “I just don’t fucking believe you anymore. I don’t think it’s Vae or me you’re trying to protect.”

I glance over my shoulder, taking in the nearly imperceptible shock on his face. “I’m starting to think the only one you’re protecting is yourself.”

I don’t wait for a reply, stepping into my room and kicking the door shut behind me.

I barely remember stripping off my clothes and getting into the shower, but once I’m finally alone with nothing but the hot water falling around me, I allow myself to relax.

Placing my hand on my chest, I shut my eyes and concentrate, searching for my pack Bonds. It takes no time at all to find them—they’re both dark green, shimmering, and healthy, connecting my soul to my packmates’ souls.

I don’t waste my time examining them. They aren’t what I want to see right now. I just needed to find a starting point as a reference.

I search deeper, anticipating that I’ll need to really dig. I’m surprised when I almost immediately find what I’m looking for.

There, nestled against my Fated pack Bonds, is a shallow, shimmering pool of silver light. It isn’t a Bond thread, but it is something important. Something new and ancient all at once.

Not a Mate Bond, I don’t think, but… there.

Alive and undeniable.

I can’t see my Bonds the same way I can see things around me. It’s more like… when I close my eyes and search for my Bonds, they formulate into impressions that my mind can understand. I know it’s because our Bonds live somewhere deep inside of us, in that place where instinct and magic intertwine. But if you asked me to explain how it’s possible, I couldn’t. Not even after all these centuries.

I just know I can see them. Feel them. Understand them in the way I understand my own heart.

And because this is something all beings of any species with a Bond have access to, we thankfully have prior knowledge of how the different Mate Bonds manifest. Scent Match Bonds are golden, Blood Mate Bonds are burgundy, Moon Mate Bonds for wolven are light blue, and pack Bonds—a Bond of brotherhood rather than romance—are green.

I rack my brain, trying to remember if I’ve ever heard of a Bond that’s silver. I’m sure I haven’t, and what’s even more unsettling is the fact that all the Bonds—pack and Mate alike—manifest as threads. No matter the Bond. No matter the species.

But whatever this is that’s nestled safely between my soul and my pack Bonds isn’t a thread.

It’s a pool of swirling silver starlight that laps gently against my hard edges and soothes them in a way I’ve never experienced in my long life.

It’s bright, beautiful, and… Old. Ancient.

It feels older than the magic running through my veins. Older than any ancient ritual my family has performed in the last thousand years.

Everything about this adds more questions to my already long list of them.

Fates, Dax will lose his shit if I tell him about this. He’ll snap. Accuse Idril of doing something to me or performing some kind of magic. I know it as sure as I know my own name. After tonight, I’m more sure than ever that I’m making the right choice hiding what I feel for her—at least until I have more proof that she isn’t working with her father. Once I have that, as well as some answers to whatever the hell this silver pool is, I’ll come clean.

I’ll be able to answer all Dax’s questions, assuage his paranoia, and then bring her into a situation that’s healthy and safe for her. Instead of one where she’s distrusted and treated warily.

I don’t want that for her. I want her to be safe.

I want her to be happy.

I can’t provide her that happiness and safety and acceptance until I get answers. Until then, I have to try not to hate myself for leaving her alone in that house. I already feel guilty as fuck for walking away, but if she is, for some unknowable reason, my Mate…

I don’t think that I’ll ever forgive myself.

Chapter 5

Idril

Ilet the cat inside.

It was stupid. I know it was stupid. But after I came in and shut the balcony doors, I couldn’t stop picturing it sitting out there, alone and curled up against the cold.