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Every other want and need falls away until only Idril remains. Her smile. Her laugh. Her joy. It shoots up to the top of the list at lightning speed, cementing permanently as my top and only priority. I’d sell my damn soul to take her pain away, and the feeling is so unexpected and overwhelming it nearly brings me to my knees.

“Are you alright?” Idril’s soft voice might be the only thing that can actually pull me back to reality. I shake my head, trying to get back on solid footing. But my hands—no, my entire body—is shaking.

I curl my hands into fists, but I feel like I’m high in this new reality I’ve stepped into. I’ve never, in my whole life, been so sure of something. I’m done fighting my instincts. Fighting Daxen, fighting myself.

The only thing left that’s worth fighting for is the female in front of me.

When Idril clears her throat, her frown deepens, but before I can ask her what’s wrong and find a way to fix it, she asks, “Was there something you needed from me?”

I rock back on my heels, biting my tongue before I blurt out the first thing in my head, which is, ‘Yes. I need you. I need you to discover that whatever abilities you have include time travel. Then I can go back to the night we met and do everything differently. I want to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness, then promise you the world just to see your lips curve into that gentle smile that sends shivers down my spine.’

Instead, what comes out is, “Nope, just wasn’t expecting to see you back at it so soon, that’s all. The way Lenora made it sound, you were gonna be out for a while.”

Her face falls. I play back the words in my head, and I swear to the Fates I don’t understand why the moment I fully commit to owning my feelings, I somehow say exactly the wrong fucking thing!

Mumpsimus.

That’s not a real word!

Actually, it is. You’re just dumb. Look it up.

You are literally me!

Idril’s expression pinches in pain. “Uhm yeah… I was out of it for a while,” she murmurs, voice reed thin and strained.

Fuck!

“No!” I shout, wincing when the word echoes throughout the foyer. Fates, Fates, Fates, I have to fix this!

“That’s—that’s not what I meant.”

But she’s already shaking her head.

“It’s okay, I get it,” she replies, bending over to resume cleaning, but not fast enough to hide the tears in her eyes.

“Idril, I—” My protest comes out half-strangled, and I choke up. I have no idea what to do here. Apologize? Explain myself?

Would she even believe me if I did either?

“I’ll only be maybe ten more minutes. Then I’ll be out of your hair.”

I groan, throw back my head, and glare at the ceiling. I need to fix this. Maybe I should tell her I’m happy she’s feeling better. Or… maybe I should ask where her Mate is. Find out if I’m about to have my intestines ripped out through my spine, or if there’s still enough time for me to run like the coward I am.

Maybe I should ask her if we can talk privately, explain everything I’ve been feeling for the last two weeks, and apologize for how stupid I’ve been. Maybe she’ll understand if I explain that I know my change of heart seems sudden, but I’ve actually been fighting my feelings since the moment I laid eyes on her.

Or maybe I should just lay it all out there. Tell her my deepest, darkest secret. The source of all my shame. The fear that haunts me every fucking hour of every day.

That I agonize over losing myself to my Bone Curse, as I did in that warehouse?

Will she understand that I’ve spent so long deferring to Caelan and Dax because I’m paralyzed by the fear that any choice I make will lead to my Curse taking over?

Causing the deaths of the only family who’ve ever loved me?

In the end, none of that matters because I don’t get the chance to say anything at all. The sound of the clock chiming one in the afternoon echoes through the foyer, and with a sigh, Idril pushes to her feet. Her eyes meet mine, and I can fucking see the disappointment in them.

And I know I’ve let her down once again.

“Excuse me, I have to go,” she mutters. And then she’s gone, scurrying through the foyer and disappearing down the dimly lit hall, leaving me standing alone in the wake of our interaction with no idea of how drastically my life just changed.