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“There is no but,” he said. “I honestly don’t know if we would’ve been together if not for the contract. There’s no way for either of us to know that, but I do know that I don’t want any version of my life that doesn’t have you in it. Not anymore and not for a while now. Hell, I’ve wanted you since before I even snapped at you about the helmet. I love you and it has fuck all to do with any goddamn contract.”
All those doubts and fears that had been raging around inside for so long vanished in the blink of an eye. There could be no looking at him right now and wondering if he was being honest. When he’d said that he wasn’t used to laying his heart open wide like this, I’d known it was true.
I wasn’t sure if Holden had ever shown anyone as much of himself as he was showing me right now, but even if he had, this was the real him. The man behind the cool smirks and the snide comments. The guy who lived inside the head of the painfully handsome man who’d so often hidden behind his sharp tongue and sharper cheekbones.
Without giving myself time to get emotional all over again, I grabbed his shirt and kissed him. A surprised sound whooshed out of his lungs when my lips crashed into his, but then he was pulling me tighter against him, holding me so close that I could barely breathe. But I didn’t need oxygen right now. I only needed him.
There was no invisible wall between us anymore, just me, my husband, and the fact that our arranged marriage had somehow, by some miracle, become real in more ways than simply existing in the eyes of the law.
“I love you too, Holden,” I whispered into his mouth. “I love you so, so much. I just didn’t think I was allowed to. I didn’t think you’d want me to.”
He groaned, sliding a hand up into my hair to hold me to him even as he broke the kiss to speak against my lips. “I want everything with you, baby. For now and forever.”
As our mouths crashed together again, he groaned into the kiss, his grip on my hair so tight that shivers of desire mingled with the intense sense of belonging taking root deep inside my soul. Holden and I had both made mistakes in our path to getting here. There was no denying that, but I couldn’t deny that in his arms, it felt like I’d finally found home again.
“I love you,” I whispered against his lips. “I also need you, though. Right now.”
The words were out before I could stop them, giving voice to the sudden intensity of the pure, raw want coursing through my veins. Totally crazy, wanting him like this after just one night. But I suppose it could also be hormones.
Heaven knew, I’d been all over the place emotionally over the last week or so, which made me suspect I already knew what the result of that test was going to be, and now that he and I were finally in the place it felt like we’d been meant to end up all along, maybe it was time.
Holden angled his hips underneath me, snapping me out of my thoughts when the absent little rocking motions I’d been making for the last few seconds suddenly ended with a burst of pleasure streaking through me. “Oh.”
He groaned again, but then I felt the now familiar bracing of his muscles against mine that always ended the same way. “I want you too, baby. Always. Not here, though. Not tonight.”
Sure enough, seconds later, he was rising with me in his arms, carrying me straight to bed with zero hesitation whatsoever. When he set me down on my feet at the edge of the bed, we undressed each other in the moonlight without saying a word, both of us simply tumbling back together as soon as all the barriers between us were gone.
As always, he made me see stars with his hands and his tongue before finally sinking into me, one hand on my hip as he thrust in a rhythm that soon had me coming apart all over again. Through it all, he kept kissing me senseless, whispering how much he loved me even moments before I felt him lose it deep inside my body.
Afterward, Holden traced absent patterns on my arm with his fingertips, the solid heat of his chest under my palm and his leg draped over my mine like he wanted to touch me in as many ways and as many places as he possibly could. As I lay there, so completely consumed by him inside and out, I glanced at up at the sharp planes of his face in the moonlight, my heart so full and my very soul so confident that we could take anything that came our way that I finally realized I was ready.
“Do you want to take it?” I whispered. “The pregnancy test.”
His eyes snapped open and he propped himself up on his elbow, rolling slightly into me as those eyes found mine in the ambient light streaming into the room from outside. “I’m ready if you are.”
“I think I am,” I said. “It’s time, Holden. Let’s find out if we’re having a baby.”
He kissed my shoulder. “I know what I’m hoping for, but even if there’s no baby yet, there could be soon.”
Surprised, quiet laughter bubbled out of me as I sat up. “You’re actually hoping it’s positive?”
“I told you, I want everything with you,” he said, getting up and offering me a hand after walking around to my side of the bed stark naked. When he caught me staring, he winked and pulled me gently to my feet, catching my lips for a quick but passionate kiss. “Keep looking at me like that and we’re going to start working on getting a positive test right now.”
My heart thumped, kicking against my ribs at the realization that we genuinely might not have to. “There could already be somebody in there.”
“Yeah.” He circled his arms around my waist, holding me tight as he walked us toward the bathroom. “I’ll stay here. Give you some privacy.”
“You’re three feet away from the toilet.”
He shrugged. “That’s about as far away from you as I’m willing to go right now.”
I chuckled, but even that came out nervous as reality started dawning. Finally turning toward the bathroom cabinet, I pulled out the little box and tore open the packaging, forcing myself to just stay calm and take the test.
Excitement fluttered in my chest when it was done, anticipation twisting with nerves in my stomach as I glanced at the innocuous little stick resting beside the sink when I washed my hands. “Now, we wait.”
“How long?”
“Three minutes.”