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Tasha went uncharacteristically quiet. Finally, she leaned back in her seat, staring at me with eyes that were suddenly filled with a strange, unsettling pity.
“You really are a piece of work, Thayer,” she murmured softly, but the anger had left her now. “It might mean nothing to you, but it means a whole lot more than just money to Alicia. Believe me.”
My fingers froze over my keyboard, my eyebrows mashing together as her words echoed in my ears. The image of Alicia standing on the rug with tears about to start streaming down her face flashed vividly in my mind once more.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked urgently. “What do you mean it meant more than money? What else could it possibly be?”
“Shh!” A guy sitting two rows in front of us turned around, glaring at each of us in turn and placing a finger over his lips. “Some of us are actually trying to pass this class, assholes.”
Tasha gave me a pointed, knowing look but clamped her mouth shut tightly and turned her attention back to the lesson. Meanwhile, I sat there in the stifling silence of the lecture hall, my laptop screen remaining blank, with a heavy knot tightening in the pit of my stomach.
Maybe I should’ve asked more questions before I signed those papers. I suddenly had a feeling there were a few things I needed to know about my wife. But if I tried asking now, Alex would tell me to talk to her. So would Jane.
I had a feeling it was going to be a long time before Alicia herself would be willing to give me any answers. Especially after I’d made her cry just by fucking arriving at their house.
Day one of my new marriage was off to a great start.
CHAPTER 14
ALICIA
Walking into the bank on the corner, I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. My feet hit the linoleum floor, and while I could feel the slight impact of every step, I honestly wasn’t sure if I was dreaming.
Given what I was here to do, the past couple weeks could very well have been an elaborate, stress-induced hallucination. Or maybe that car had hit me the night I’d first seen Holden after all, and in the real world, I was in coma, inserting his face into my dreams because it had been the last one I’d seen before the lights had gone out.
Discreetly reaching for my thigh, I pinched myself and a sharp burst of pain shot through me from the spot. But maybe that’s not decisive proof.
Either way, I strode up the front desk, joined a line, and gave a polite smile to the woman behind it when I got to the front. Never let it be said that good manners aren’t a part of my core. I mean, I’m even polite when I might not actually even be conscious.
“Hi,” I said, my voice shaky. “Alicia Nettles. I’m here for Mr. Adams. I made an appointment this morning.”
She returned my smile, then glanced at her screen and nodded. “You can go ahead.”
“Ms. Nettles, hi.” The bank manager stood up from behind his desk when he saw me striding down the hall, ushering me into his private, glass-walled office. “Have a seat.”
I did as I’d been told, significantly less nervous today, even if I still wasn’t convinced this was real. He gave me a cool, professional smile across his desk, then turned to his computer. “Alright, let’s have a look here.”
After typing in a few things, he blinked hard. His eyebrows shot up so high that they almost disappeared into his receding hairline. He cleared his throat and looked back at me. “The transfer from Westwood and Sons has cleared. I just need to verify the nature of the transaction for our internal compliance records.”
I nodded, having expected the legally required inquiries about how a twenty-six-year-old children’s librarian had suddenly acquired a six-figure sum deposited into her checking account. All the same, my heart hammered against my ribs as I lifted my left hand and let the morning light catch the golden wedding band resting on my finger. “I married Holden Thayer a couple of days ago.”
The manager’s eyes dropped to the band and he smiled. “Congratulations!”
I forced a polite smile. “Thank you, Mr. Adams. It’s been a very exciting time in my life.”
“My sincerest apologies, Mrs. Thayer,” he said, suddenly a lot more respectful and efficient, his fingers flying across the keyboard as he spoke. “Your name change hasn’t been officially processed in our system yet, but we can get these cashier’s checks typed up for you under your current legal identification while the paperwork is on its way.”
Hearing him call me Mrs. Thayer sent an icy jolt of panic straight down my spine. Changing my name was the single biggest sacrifice of this entire arrangement. I’d always planned on carrying my parents’ name with me forever.
It was the last piece of them no one would ever be able to take away, the ultimate link to the life we’d shared for much too short. Yielding it to a family of strangers felt like a betrayal that would never stop stinging.
“There we are,” the bank manager said cheerfully. “Let me print that for you.”
I nodded, but as I sat there waiting for the printer to whir to life, a heavy cloud of guilt settled over me. Have I gone too low to solve my problems? Was I wrong to abandon the idea of love, the messy, beautiful, organic love I always thought I’d find one day, just to get some money? Would my parents be proud of me for saving our home, regardless of the transactional, clinical way I went about it? Was I a heroine or a whore?
As I stared at my hands in my lap, my chest tightened because the truth was that they probably wouldn’t be proud. They would’ve wanted me to marry for the right reasons.
But an hour later, when I walked into the city administrative offices and handed over the first cashier’s check to pay off the back taxes in one definitive swoop, the crushing feeling loosened a bit. The house was safe. Tasha and I would never be evicted. The second check was already stamped and ready to be mailed so I could wipe out my student loans.
