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Maybe I really am maturing.
Me: I have to go out of town for a couple days, so I’m not going to be home tonight or tomorrow night. Stay safe. I’ll miss you.
I hit send without overthinking it, tempted to add those three little words that had been burning my tongue for the last few days, but since I wanted to say those in person, I left it out. After tossing the phone down on the seat beside me, I backed out of my parking spot and drove.
This was a trip I never imagined I’d be making, but being with Alicia had changed something in me. I cared about her and about our future too much to keep putting it in jeopardy just because I was stubborn. Right now, there was even a possibility that there was a baby in that future. A baby I desperately wanted with her.
While I didn’t know yet what I was going to say when I finally got where I was going, I was done running from that moment. Instead, I was running toward it, refusing to let my stubborn streak get in the way of the future I so badly wanted to be able to start planning without the past holding me back any more than it already had.
CHAPTER 46
ALICIA
Holden had been gone since this morning and I had no idea where he was. Logically, I knew that shouldn’t be bothering me at all, let alone bugging me as much as it was.
We weren’t teenagers. He didn’t owe me a detailed itinerary every time he left the house.
Just a couple months ago, he’d had a whole life of his own and I had no clue what it had entailed. It was entirely possible that there were friends he hadn’t seen since he’d been thrown into this marriage with me or sports he hadn’t played since our I-dos. There might’ve been a trip planned or concert tickets bought.
Honestly, it could be anything. Plus, I should’ve been happy to have the house to myself and some space to think. The tension between us since last week, and New York in particular, had been exhausting.
Ever since we’d gotten back, we’d both been trying to move past it, but it all just felt so insurmountable right now. This time apart gave us both the opportunity to reflect and figure some things out for ourselves, but I still wasn’t nearly as cool, calm, or collected about it as I wanted to be.
It should’ve been enough that I had my own stuff to worry about, like what I was going to wear to the neighborhood Halloween block party in a few days. See, very important stuff of my own going on.
Yet, all I could think about was Holden. Where he’d gone. What he was doing. When exactly he’d be back.
Tasha snapped me out of my thoughts when she held a costume up against herself and pumped her eyebrows at me. “What do you think? Is Sexy Fox the look you’re after?”
“No.”
She pretended to gag and returned the costume to the rail. “You’re no fun anymore. Now that you’re married, you’re like an old married woman.”
“I am an old married woman,” I teased, at least trying to muster up some humor. “I’m almost thirty and I’m married, so do the math.”
She snorted. “You’re years away from thirty and it’s not like you’ve been married for decades. Sexy foxes are hot. You should think about it.”
I shook my head, my gaze wandering around the costume store we were in. It’d been turned into a Halloween lover’s paradise, plastic skeletons dangling above our heads, kids screaming as they went to battle with foam axes, and so many costumes to choose from that I should’ve been ecstatic over the range of choices.
When I looked back at her, Tasha motioned at the fox costume again. “Will you at least try it on?”
“No.”
She groaned. “Okay, fine. Give me some hints, then. What’s the vibe we’re looking for?”
I shrugged. “Halloween block party.”
“That’s not a vibe.” She planted her hands on her hips, opening her mouth before suddenly snapping it shut again as she cocked her head. For a long second, she just stared at me, then sighed and her expression softened. “You’re still worried about Holden?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “It’s pretty hard to get excited for a party when I don’t even know if my husband will be there.”
“He’ll be there,” she said firmly. “Wherever he’s gone, he said he’d be home in a couple of days, right?”
“Yes.”
“So that means he’ll be back.” She turned toward the variety of sexy animal costumes on the rail again. “All we need to do is pick one that’ll make him want to tear it off with his teeth as soon as he sees you.”
I laughed, but the sound came out quiet and sad. “Our problems aren’t really related to that kind of thing, Tash. Some days, I could wear a trash bag and he’ll still want to rip it off with his teeth.”
