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Don't fix this. I'm begging you. Let me be the villain in this one. Let me be the bad guy so you finally get to be the man I always knew you were.

And I resigned.

Make sure to call Cade and work this out between you two.

Jax, it was always you. That’s why I can't be the thing that ruins you.

M.

She looked at the wreck of both our lives and she used the one exit that saves everybody except her, and she did it without telling me so I couldn't get in front of her.

She thinks being the villain is a gift she gets to give me. She thinks the best thing she has to hand the man she cares for is her own name on the grenade. That’s just insane.

And underneath all of it, in that last line, is the thing that finally takes me apart. ‘It was always you. That's why I can't be the thing that ruins you.’

She believed I only ever reached for her when I was too drunk to know better.

She believes it so completely she just set fire to her whole career to spare me from it.

And I let her believe it. I need to tell her it was always her too. That night I wasn’t drunk. And that I wanted her plan more than the Stanley Cup.

I call her cell and my call goes straight to voicemail.

I know what I have to do.

I throw a sweatshirt on, grab my keys off her note and I'm out the door, running.

I need to go to Cade, first and then to her apartment.

Boston's back through, second time this month, the back half of a home-and-home, which is the only mercy I get all morning. It puts him one car ride away instead of a flight.

I drive to his hotel like the playoffs are on the line, and I pound on his door until it swings open, and Cade fills the frame.

"You let her take the fall." His knuckles are white on the door. "Give me one reason, before I put you through this wall."

Chapter 22: Jax

"I told her I would take the blame" I don't give up an inch of the doorway. "I've loved her since we were kids. Hit me if it helps."

Cade's fist hangs in the air. His jaw works. And then he drops his hand. He steps back and he lets me in.

"You want to know what I keep landing on?" His voice is rough, but it isn't a fighting voice, it's a wrecked one. "It's not even the two of you. It's that I called you. Months ago to keep an eye on my sister, man. I handed her to you to protect. You said yeah. Now, my sister’s in trouble because of you."

"I know. And I could tell you that I always want to protect her, and it'd be true"

He drags both hands down his face.

"Cade, It’s my fault" I take a breath. "It started at your championship party. Senior year."

He goes very still. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I need to tell you the truth.” I let my voice do whatever it wants to do. "Something happened. I kissed her. and she pulled back and told me I was drunk, and I let her believe it."

I make myself finish it. "I wasn't drunk. I kissed her because I'd been in love with her since forever. And when she pulled away and called me drunk, I had one second to decide whether to tell her the truth or let her think it was a mistake. And I let her think it was a mistake."

"Jax, why would you do that?"

"Because if I told her I meant it, she'd have to carry it, and so would you, and I was nineteen and I'd made you a promise." I look at him. "You remember the promise."