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“Because a siren's blood doesn’t create feelings that aren’t already there. They accelerate existing feelings to their strongest, inevitable conclusion. They forge an unbreakable bond of these feelings, the better to protect themselves and those they love. If you are feeling love for Andi, obsessive protectiveness, it is because you were always going to feel that way. You just arrived at that conclusion a little quicker. If someone incapable of love, like Haynes, drank Andi’s blood, their feelings would merely become more greedy and twisted than they already are.”
“The feelings still are not truly mine, then,” I argue. “If they are intensified beyond what they should be.”
The old woman rolls her eyes. “I thought you might be like this. Stubborn, scared of your own feelings. So I brought this.” She pulls out a small bottle with a cork. The liquid inside is pitch black, so black it almost seems to absorb the light around it. It looks dangerous.
“What is it?”
“Odysseus’ brew. Oh, yes. That part of the story is true. He discovered a way to sever the bonds between a siren and her enamored. He meant to weaken us by destroying our bond, to take away the strength that Helen gave us, to make it easier to take her. He just didn’t get to us in time.”
“He didn’t expect Helen to choose death?” I question.
“No, he didn’t,” shrugs the old woman. “He never really understood Helen, or really any siren. He thought her weak and scared, hiding behind Troy’s walls, easy prey once he could get to her. But though all she wanted was a life of peace and safety, Helen had the heart of a lion and a will of iron. She would never have let them use her to take over the world, to subjugate all Others.”
“Then the story of Helen starting the war and invading with your armies never happened?”
Cassandra snorts. “No, we never tried to take over the world, and the whole story of sirens gathering huge armies of helpless thralls is just that, a story. How would a siren do that? If she didn’t love them, her blood would give them no strength and would only amplify their emotions in unpredictable ways, not create a mindless, obedient army. No, that story was just a way for the Order of Ares to villainize their victims and make themselves look like the heroes whilst committing genocide. But the potion is real. He never got to try it on any of Helen’s enamored, but I have seen it used through the ages on other sirens, and it is effective. It will break the bond between you and Andi, let your feelings go to what they would be currently without the blood intensifying things, and make your strength your own. Drink and feel it for yourself. I think you may be surprised with what you find, however.”
She reaches out, handing me the potion. It is so small, but it feels heavy, like the liquid inside is denser than it should be. Holding the heavy bottle in my palm, I soak in the implications of what Cassandra has just said. Could I be in love with Andi? Truly, actually in love? Without her blood muddying the waters? These feelings of possessiveness and ardor are actually mine? I knew that the lust was mine, but the love?
I am appalled. I thought I was immune to romantic love. There have been lovers to fuck over the centuries. Indeed, after I was released from King Phillip’s prison and I killed him, I could barely wait to break my monkhood vows, to show my disdain for holy orders. But I have never felt strongly about any of my partners. Never anything as I feel for Andi. And that’s real? It can’t be. I want to drink the potion immediately, to prove Cassandra wrong, but some sense of foreboding stays my hand.
“What if I do not wish to be in love? What if love is a foolish weakness?” I challenge calmly.
The crone gives me a knowing look, as though she can see straight through me. “Then you are a bigger fool than I already took you for. And a coward. You have the chance for an epic, Fated love with a beautiful creature who will love you in return at your fingertips, and you would reject it because the feelings are big and scare you. Having something to lose gives you a weakness, true, but it makes you stronger in ways that you can’t even fathom. A man truly in love will rise to the challenge. Come on, Gautier, be a man, before it is too late.”
I can’t dwell on this. It confuses and distracts me from what is truly important. I’ll unpack the witch’s words later.
“What must I do to defeat the hunters and keep Andi safe?” I ask while pocketing the potion.
“You must let Andi feel safe enough that she can fall in love with you,” Cassandra says bluntly. “That is the only way that she’ll be strong enough to overcome what is coming.”
More talk of love, and riddles of the future. Of course, exactly what I need, I think sarcastically.
“What is coming? Help me avoid the worst outcome.”
“Uh-uh,” responds Cassandra, aggravatingly. “There is a difference between influencing the outcome and spelling out the future. If I tell you too much, I risk you doing something stupid and causing the worst possible outcome anyway. Just think of Oedipus and his oracles. Knowing what future to avoid did him no favors.”
More Greek mythology. An ancient king was told that he would kill his father and marry his mother. He left his parents to avoid that fate, not knowing that he was adopted. When he met his actual father, he didn’t know it and killed him, and married that man’s wife. Only to find out much later that the woman was his birth mother. By trying to avoid his fate, he’d walked right into it.
“You illustrate your point vividly,” I acquiesce.
“I know,” she grins. “Now I must go. I have told you all I can and all you need to know to escape my lonely fate. Don’t screw it up.”
“Wait!” I exclaim. “You’ve told me practically nothing of value. I still know almost nothing about Andi’s true powers, the hunters and their plans, the—”
“Tut, tut,” she tsks. “Oedipus. But I will tell you one freebie.”
“What is it?” I query, annoyed at her continued vagueness.
“Sirens cannot get pregnant with normal sex. When they are in love, they may choose whether to become pregnant, as a matter of will. So, enjoy yourself, vampire. No need to wrap up.”
Then she cackles, the air flooding once again with magic. A brief flash of light and she’s gone.
As if she was never there to begin with.
Chapter 23
Julian
