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His words slice into me as sharp as a knife.

‘Absolutely,’ I whisper, drawing my thighs up and resting my chin on my knee. ‘Every day. The older I got, the more obvious it became. Like I didn’t matter. I’ve felt invisible most of my life.’

‘It sucks. I love my friends and family, but I’ve never been a priority. Getting my memories back has reminded me of that. I was taken, my entire life disrupted, all to get to someone else.’

His eyes drift closed for a moment and he sighs, a deep sigh that comes from his chest. He shakes his head and leans back in his chair. ‘It’s fine. I’m fine. I just think I’d have been better off not getting my memories back. I wish I could start fresh.’

‘Really?’ I ask, surprised. ‘I wouldn’t have thought that.’

‘I mean, I enjoy my life plenty, but I remember why I was so desperate to become a vampire. I wanted the power to tip to me. I wanted to be in control, and for a while I was, but it didn’t make me feel any better in the end. I still feel like second best to the others around me.’

‘You’re not second best to me,’ I whisper.

He finally looks at me and his stare feels electric, as though my words just broke something open in him. Something buried so deep he didn’t know what he needed to hear to break it.

He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t have to, because the way he is looking at me says everything words can’t. We see each other, and it’s so nice to feel that when you have craved it from others for so long.

His eyes are a little glassy as he turns to face back out the window.

‘We leave tomorrow,’ I say quietly. ‘We only just got away from that place and now we’re going back there. Still no answers, we’re just as lost as before.’ My eyes sting with unshed tears. I feel like I’ve been holding everything together so well, and now I’m ready to burst. ‘I don’t want to go back. I don’t want you to be in danger.’

Reaching out, he drags my chair closer to his, pulling me between his thighs with only one hand. My eyes dip over his flexing bicep as he does. Theo’s fingers trace down my cheek, capturing one of the rogue tears that slipped through. I lean into his palm, seeking comfort.

‘Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself. I won’t let them do that to me again.’ His fingers thread through my hair. ‘If you don’t want to go back, we don’t have to.’

‘This is bigger than me. We need to end this war.’

‘People are going to get hurt,’ Theo warns, his eyes searching mine.

‘I know,’ I nod, and the motion makes my vision tilt for a second. I blink, hoping he didn’t notice. I don’t want him to think I can’t handle this. I’m strong and I’m capable of what we are about to face. I don’t need to be treated like I’m a fragile human who can’t hold her own. ‘I’m afraid to see them.’

His eyes narrow slightly as he assesses me carefully. His eyes drop to my hands, noticing the slight tremble in them.

‘You’re warm,’ he murmurs, brushing his fingers against my temple. His touch is cold, as always.

‘It’s nothing,’ I lie. ‘I’m just tired.’

He leans in closer, watching me the way he does when he’s trying to figure out what’s going on inside my head.

‘Are you sick?’ he asks.

‘I’m fine.’

‘You don’t look fine. Is it anxiety about tomorrow?’

‘No,’ I shake my head. ‘My head hurts. Like I’m getting the flu or something.’

Theo frowns, like he’s forgotten that humans can get sick. I suppose when you’re a vampire, illness probably isn’t a thing. I can’t remember the last time I got sick, but it certainly feels like I am now.

‘It might be a cold. Maybe it’s stress.’ I shrug. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You shouldn’t get sick, you’ve had vampire blood in your system.’

‘It would be out by now,’ I say. ‘Actually, you’re overdue for blood, right?’

Slowly, he nods, his lower lip sitting between his teeth. I lean forward, placing my hands on his thighs. ‘You don’t have to be afraid of asking me for it.’

He smiles softly. ‘I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.’