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Oh well. It’s not like Gray’s ever seen me as anything other than his best friend. I had a silly notion when I was a teenager that we might fall in love one day, but I realized it was a pipe dream. Grayson was eighteen when I was only fifteen. There was no way he’d have dated me. Add in that we’d been best friends since I was born, and it was impossible he’d ever see me as more than that. I was like a little sister to him.

I do wonder every now and then what our life would’ve been like had we gotten together—usually in moments like this, when I’m at my loneliest. It never takes me long to remember that those thoughts are a pointless road to walk down.

Grayson’s teasing smirk is present throughout our entire conversation. The way it lights up his entire face has always made my stomach flutter. Add in his tattoos and blue eyes, and I have no doubt women practically fall at their feet to get his attention.

I’ve asked him why he’s never settled down with one of the thousands of women who would do anything to be his leading lady. He always gives me a secret smile and says he’s not the settling-down type.

He’d make an incredible husband, so I’ve never understood why he thinks that.

After hours of being on the phone with London and Gray, we finally end the call. I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my afternoon. I changed into my ratty lounge clothes while I was talking with Gray and London, so I don’t particularly want to leave, but there isn’t much to do around the house either. I’ve already organized Peanut’s nursery, the laundry is done, and our cleaners handle everything else.

By the time dinner rolls around, I’m bored out of my mind.

Chris and I moved to Seattle about four years ago because he got a job with an incredibly prestigious law firm. He made partner this year, and the only time we go out now is if he has a work event. I haven’t made friends here because the only places I go are my yoga class twice a week and the grocery store.

I live quite a pathetic life.

Dinner time comes and goes, and Chris still isn’t home. I expected it, but it would’ve been nice to get a heads-up.

I’m sitting on the couch, reading the most recent romance book Grayson’s friends recommended to me when a spicy scene hits me square in the vagina. These books are probably the reason I’m hornier than usual. I had no idea they could be so addicting.

Chris always turned his nose up at the genre, so I was too embarrassed to start reading it. Then I went out with Grayson and his friends in Pine Creek Falls one weekend, and they made the books sound incredible. Chris wasn’t paying much attention to me at that point, so I decided to give them a try. I’ve been hooked ever since.

Thinking about Chris reminds me of this morning. Could he have been in such a rush that he didn’t have the capacity to notice what I was wearing? It’s probably pathetic of me to still be trying to chase after my husband, but we’ve been through so much together that I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel yet.

Could I put in more effort to show him how much I still want our marriage to work? I want Peanut to have their father in their life. I can’t just give up. I need to pull out all the stops.

I’m sure he’s already had dinner, but I could make him his favorite brownies and surprise him at his office. Maybe that would open up a dialogue between us. We haven’t had a clear communication channel since before we found out I was pregnant. I’m not crazy enough to believe this will magically fix our problems, but it could be the catalyst to figuring out how we move forward together.

Decision made, I quickly whip up a batch of brownies and pop them into the oven. While they bake, I change out of my ratty T-shirt and into a cute maxi dress that Chris has mentioned liking on me.

I’m ready just in time to pull the brownies out. They cool for a few minutes until I lose my patience and pack them into the thermal carry case.

Once I’m in my car, I drive the thirty minutes into the city. It takes me a bit to find a parking spot, and then another ten to get up to the law firm’s floor. The security guys let me up without question. I’ve been here enough times for them to recognize me, although they’ve never looked at me with apprehension before. It sends a little swoop through my gut that makes me uncomfortable.

The elevator dings at Chris’s firm’s floor, opening to an empty lobby. There are a couple of people milling around the cubicles, likely working late on their cases. None of them pay me any attention as I make my way to Chris’s office.

At his door, I can hear muffled voices. I turn the knob, cracking the door just a bit to peek inside Chris’s office. I don’t want to interrupt anything important, and since his secretary isn’t outside his office like she normally is, he might be in a meeting.

What I find instead makes my blood turn cold.

Chris has his secretary bent over the front of his desk, her skirt shoved up her hips as he fucks her in the ass. His hips are brutally rutting into her while hers are rubbing against the edge of the desk.

“Your ass is fucking heaven. I told you it would be good,” Chris murmurs.

Anya’s white-knuckling the other edge of the desk, and I have the fleeting thought that it doesn’t seem like she’s enjoying this as much as Chris is. I quietly shut the door to his office, backing away in a daze. A numb haze has descended over me. I’m not even aware of how I get back to the lobby of the building.

Distantly, I hear the security officers calling my name, but I don’t stop. My focus is on getting to my car. If I can get there, I’ll be okay. I’ll figure it out.

Except when I get there, I realize tears are streaming down my face to the point that my vision is blurry. It would be stupid to try to drive in this condition. I’m not going to put myself, my baby, or anyone else in danger because I’m the idiot who thought her husband was faithful to her.

I don’t know what to do.

Grayson.

I need Grayson.

CHAPTER 4