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CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN
Istare at where Bram just was before Kitt steps in front of me, blocking my view. He looks angrier than I’ve ever seen him. He has to lower his head to even fit in the room. He’s pure clay and stone right now, his skin a mixture of browns and greys, his voice gravel as he towers over me.
“I warned you,” Kitt snarls in my face as I roll my eyes, uncaring about my exposed chest. “He could kill you—”
“So? Most I have been with could have—”
“He has no control!” Kitt roars, smashing his fist into the table at my side, and it cracks, sending me sprawling to my knees as I glare and leap to my feet, staring him down. “You are playing with him. It’s cruel.”
“I wasn’t playing,” I argue.
“Enough. Did you not see him? He’s a scorpion, and he’s venomous. One taste and you would have died, and then we all would have.”
Oh. Realisation hits me. Is that why he stopped us? I hadn’t noticed anything wrong, but I was trying to lose myself in the pleasure his innocent fumbling caused.
Fuck.
“I didn’t know. I didn’t think—”
“You never do. You don’t care who gets hurt as long as you get whatever you want. You’re selfish, unreliable, and obsessed with revenge.” His nostrils flare as he lowers his head to glare at me with those bright eyes surrounded by unmovable strength. “You’re the monster here, Ferol, not us. I hope you get that.” He storms from the room, leaving the door cracked and hanging partially off its hinges.
The worst thing is, he’s right.
I retreat to my cabin and stare at the ceiling. I can still feel Bram’s kiss and touch, and despite the unanswered pleasure, I feel guilty. I don’t like that. I didn’t know anyone would get hurt. Maybe that’s why I roll from the bed, slip on some large boots I found in my room, and head to the deck upstairs. I don’t know if I was seeking him or not, but I find Kitt. He’s perched on the edge of the railing, staring out at the darkened ocean, the moon high above him. Taking a deep breath, I cross the deck, leaning back against the railing next to him and staring at the boat. He ignores me.
“I was wrong. I’m sorry.” He startles, and I feel him staring at me, but I don’t meet his eyes. “You’re right. I didn’t think it through. It was selfish, risky, and dumb. I just—” Licking my lips, I finally meet his eyes, searching that granite gaze for something, but I just find never-ending oblivion, so I look away again. “He was sweet, kind, and good, and I wanted that. I wanted to feel that again and forget everything for a moment, no matter the cost. I never meant to hurt him or any of you. Despite the complicated mess between us and what will happen, I don’t want to do that before I have to. Seeing Jax today—” Closing my eyes, I grip the railing until my hands ache. “Being reminded of what happened and what I lost chipped a piece of my armour. I guess I was trying to patch it up the only way I know how.”
“He’s blaming himself now, despite what will happen between us. You did that. You don’t understand the power you have over us, especially him, because of the bond. That’s why I want it broken—not because I hate the idea of a mate, but because it would ruin everything and they would be hurt again. They deserve better than that after everything we have endured.” Kitt’s voice is honest and raw, surprising me.
“I don’t know what happened, but I understand loyalty. I mean my apology. I don’t ever offer one, but I am apologising to you, and I won’t push him again. I won’t do anything like that again.” Nodding, he looks out at the water. “It must be hard keeping them all together.”
“We are one. You’ve figured that out. No one leads—”
“They all look to you.” I glance at him again. “Despite that, they look to you, listen to you. That pressure must be hard.”
“I bear it willingly,” he responds before heading to the other door.
“I wish—” He stops for a moment, looking at me then the ocean before meeting my eyes. “I wish I didn’t have to kill you. I wish I could give you your freedom from this as well, but if I have to choose between my future happiness and their lives, I will always choose them. I will always put them first, but for what it’s worth, I don’t want to kill you. Not anymore.”
“But you will still try.”
He smiles and barks out a laugh. “Yes, I’ll still try.”
“Well then, I guess we’ll have fun trying,” I tease as I push away from the railing. “Good night, Kitt.”
I walk back to the stairs, and I swear as I descend them, a whisper reaches me.
“Good night, firebird.”
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
It’s late or early, depending on the way you look at it, when something wakes me. I expect it to be one of the other’s nightmares, since that’s usually the reason, but something else pulses through me, making me frown as I sit up on the hammock in my room.
Pleasure.
