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I was a fool.

“You will not silence me this time. I am not afraid of you, Mother, but you should be afraid of me and the monster you created.” She turns on her heel and storms from the room.

We follow. What else is there to do?

She is our mate, our future.

She is one of us, and we are not fighting it anymore.

CHAPTER

THIRTY-FIVE

Everything and nothing has changed. My rooms are still the same, which surprises me. I thought she would have them redecorated and put to use, but I’m aware she didn’t leave them out of any residual maternal instincts. She did it to remind people. That’s what I am—a reminder. I stand in my chambers, and they seem completely foreign. This was once my haven, my escape from her and her reach, but now it’s just a suite of rooms. All those things I considered important back then—the latest clothes, technology, magic, and the custom four-poster bed I demanded—mean nothing.

“Well, your mother is nice,” Raiden deadpans, and I startle at his voice. Part of me forgot they were here, lost down memory lane. Blinking, I run my eyes across them and the room they are exploring, trying to see what they see.

My rooms are in the spiral of the northwest tower, at the very top. I always thought that was so cool and different from everyone else until I was old enough to realise it was simply a show. I wasn’t her daughter to protect and raise. I was an object to flaunt. This was simply where something like me belonged and a reminder I was above everyone. It kept everyone at arm’s length, leaving me lonely and fed up. Still, the view from the wrap-around balcony is beautiful. The rest of the rooms are open planned and all done in the same deep blue. The bed is against the back wall with covered lamps on either side, and it’s draped in the finest bedding. The chandelier has blue diamonds, and the windows are partially covered by the same colour lace. It’s all monotone, even the sofas in the next room and the towels in the huge en-suite.

It drips with elegance and the latest trends. Simple, yet gothic—my mother’s style.

“You think I’m spoiled now,” I admit softly as I look around at what was once my home. I remember thinking these rooms were small, but I was a fool.

“I think it must have been hard to go from a life like this to Gehenna,” Kitt murmurs, shocking me.

“Don’t let it fool you. I was more trapped here than I ever was in hell. Things are just that, things, material objects. I would have traded it all for happiness and safety. I was in Gehenna a long time before I was ever placed there. I’ve been surviving since the day I was born.”

“Why don’t we just grab your mother—” Torrin begins.

“Shh.” I look around. “There are eyes and ears everywhere here.”

“Even in your rooms?” Emrys asks, analysing every inch of wall space, looking for devices. Usually, magic and technology don’t mix, but my mother made it happen. Nothing can escape the great Draven.

“Especially in rooms. That’s where the best secrets are spilled.” Sighing, I sit heavily on the edge of my bed, looking out at the view through the window.

I don’t know what I expected, but I knew she wouldn’t kill me on sight. How could she? That would bring questions, and my mother is all about her image. Now she’ll bide her time to make a big show out of it. Luckily, I learned from the best. Still, being back here isn’t as easy as I thought. I guess once you’re a scared child, you’re always a scared child.

The guys avoid me and search my rooms, no doubt sensing my need for space, but Torrin shocks me when he sits heavily at my side. The bed rolls until I practically fall into him, but he catches me, props me up, and doesn’t let me move away. “I wish we didn’t have to break the bond.” I’m shocked to my core, and I lift my head to meet his eyes. “Being your mate isn’t as bad as expected,” he adds gruffly.

“Charming and so romantic,” I taunt, and he huffs, heat leaving his nostrils.

“You are one of us, Ferol,” he murmurs, shooting Kitt a look. “He feels it too. He’s torn apart by this, but without completing this job, we will be nothing. You freed us from the collector, but without our reputation, there will simply be another to take her place. There always is.”

“I know this. You don’t have to⁠—”

“I need you to understand.” He takes my hand, shocking me into silence as he kisses the back of it. “If we could, we would choose you. Maybe we still will. I’m not sure. All I know is our paths were meant to cross, and I’m glad they did.”

“Me too,” I reply, my throat closing.

I don’t need anyone. I don’t want anyone. It’s my mantra. My heart remained broken and cold after my ex’s betrayal, but damn these lost boys because they’ve started to put it back together again. I wish this were different.

“We have no choice in this, Torrin. I know that. If I could, I’d give this a go too. I’d still probably end up killing you, but it would be fun while it lasted.” He grins, and the look in his eyes is too much to bear, so I stand, clearing my throat and heading outside. I leave the door open behind me as I grip the icy bannister until my hands go numb.

I can’t forget why I’m here, not even for them. Our ending has been clear since the beginning, yet I wouldn’t go back and change a thing. Staring down at the lake, I remember all the times I would escape down there. This was never my home, just a place to lay my head. The bitter truth is, I don’t think I’ve ever truly had a home or felt a sense of security . . . apart from maybe that one night on their boat with them. I wonder if I ever will again, or if I’ll always be doomed to be like this, alone and lost.

That’s the horrible truth, isn’t it? They could be my home if I let them, but instead, I’ll have to kill them and spend the rest of my life mourning what we could have been.

“Ferol, why were you thrown into Gehenna?” I glance back at Bram. “You’ve hinted at it but never told us.”