Page 153
Cass followed Bri’s gaze to see Ash squeezing his way through the crowd ahead of them. When their eyes locked, Ash’s grin grew even wider, and he broke into a jog to close the rest of the distance between them. Then, without any hesitation at all, he was in Cass’s arms, his warm, soft lips pressing into Cass’s. The kiss was both reassuring and comforting, easing some of the tension Cass still held, and they kissed again and then one more time. Then, with a laugh, Ash pulled back, still smiling.
“I’m so, so happy to see you,” he said. Before Cass could respond, Ash kissed him again, then leaned over and kissed Bri’s cheek. He lifted her off Cass’s hip and twirled her around. “My sweet girl, I missed you. Did you have fun with Cass and Joanna and Henry?”
“Yes! Yay yay yay, Un-ca Ash!” Bri wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.
Ash spent another few seconds hugging her, then stepped over to Joanna and Henry and gave them both hugs that lingered longer than they maybe normally would. When he straightened up again, he looked back at Cass and shook his head lightly.
Cass just smiled, ignoring the sinking feeling that had returned to the pit of his stomach—the one he’d had off and on for most of the day and for a lot of the whole last week, actually. It didn’t make any sense, after all, because he knew it wasn’t entirely related to the travel delays he’d had or to being late and all the stress that came with that, and it was warring with other, conflicting feelings that did make sense—like the elation of finally being back with Ash, where he knew he belonged, and that deep, strong sense of pride to see all Ash had accomplished. It ached, though, that feeling, like a knot tightening low in his gut, whispering at him all the things that were wrong and would always be wrong. And it almost hurt.
Still, he forced a smile through it and reached out to take Ash’s hand, and the feeling passed as soon as their fingers intertwined. Ash lifted Cass’s hand and kissed his knuckles. Then, he grinned again and turned back to Joanna.
“So, dinner?” he asked, and they all started walking together in the direction Cass assumed must be toward the parking garage as Joanna, Henry, and Ash discussed where they’d go out to eat, Bri bouncing happily on Ash’s hip.
Hours later, after dinner at an amazing Italian restaurant, parting ways with the Wallers, and running through a bit of an abbreviated bedtime routine with a sleepy, grumpy toddler, Cass found himself alone for the first time since he’d arrived. Ash had disappeared into the bathroom to take a shower, leaving Cass in the living room, lying on the couch.
He was exhausted. And not from traveling. It was some deep, heavy exhaustion that he’d been feeling for a while but hadn’t ever let himself acknowledge.
Years of being on every day, helping to care for his mom.
Years of hiding how draining it was.
Years of ignoring all of his worry and anxiety.
And now the added stress of months of juggling all of that with school and a relationship. A relationship that was extremely important to him.
He’d always told himself (and everyone else) that he didn’t mind, and that wasn’t untrue. He loved his parents very much, and caring for his mom was the best way he knew to show them that. But he’d also be lying if he said he wasn’t struggling right now as life was pulling him in two directions.
He wanted to be here, with Ash and Bri and all the joy they brought him, but he needed to be there.
Even leaving for only one day, knowing he’d be back home tomorrow night, had him on edge, his stomach a knot of worry and anxiety. All the stress of the day’s traveling—with delays and more delays and traffic and uncertainty—hadn’t helped much, and he wished he could attribute all he was feeling right now to that.
It was more than that, though.
His mom had been hospitalized again not more than a month ago, and while it had ended up not being too serious, he still felt rattled from it. And now, knowing he was six hundred miles away, it was difficult to not worry, to let himself enjoy his time here with Ash and Bri. He couldn’t seem to rid himself of the on-and-off feeling of being almost sick to his stomach or the mild headache pulsing behind his eyes.
His dad had texted hours ago to say good night. His mom had had a fine day and afternoon. And Cass would be home tomorrow. They were planning to leave here pretty early. It was a long drive, but it would get him home to Redding around the same time as if he flew, and since Ash was driving down anyway, it made much more financial sense for Cass to tag along in the car.
Everything was fine anyway. His mom was okay now, and his dad was staying home from work to be there with her. Cass would see them both tomorrow afternoon.
So his anxiety made no sense, right? Unless there was something else to it . . . like maybe whatever was behind the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach, telling him something was wrong.
He didn’t like it one bit, especially since it had been getting worse over the last few months . . . and a lot worse in the last few weeks, if he let himself admit it.
Which he didn’t like to do.
A sound from down the hallway jolted him out of his introspection, and Cass sat up, biting back a groan as his shoulders tightened. The shower was off, but the bathroom door was still closed. He heard the sound again—a quiet cry—coming from the bedroom.
Bri.
Quickly, he jumped up off the couch, jogged to the bedroom, and slowly pushed the door open. Bri was standing in her crib, grasping the railing, her eyes red and tears slipping down her cheeks. She let out another cry and pointed to the floor, where her octopus stuffie sat.
“Oh, no, did Ollie fall?” Cass said softly, stepping into the room.
Bri sniffled and nodded silently, still grasping the crib’s railing.
Cass headed to the crib and gently lifted Bri out, settling her on his hip. Then, holding her close, he leaned over and picked up the octopus. She quickly took it from him, wrapped the stuffie up in a tight hug, and closed her eyes as she rested her head on Cass’s shoulder.
With a small smile, Cass closed his eyes, too, rocking Bri in his arms. He started humming quietly, the first song that came to his mind—“You Are My Sunshine,” which his mom used to sing to him when he was little. By the time he’d gotten through the first verse, she was fast asleep against him, her eyes closed and her breathing deep and slow.