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Ash grinned. “What do you have there?”

“Cake! I have cake!” she declared, and then she took another big bite, smearing more frosting on her face.

Mei laughed and shook her head. “Bri, did you have fun today?”

“Yes! Yes, fun! Thank you for cake!”

Ash pushed himself up off the ground, then headed over to the table, where his phone and clothes sat. He quickly threw his shorts and shirt on over his now-dry swimsuit and helped Mei and Grant finish cleaning up from the party. It was nearly four by the time he strapped Bri into her car seat and started the drive home.

His phone stayed disturbingly silent the whole drive, until he had just pulled into the parking garage at his apartment. The quiet buzz actually made his stomach drop, too, which wasn’t the reaction he wished he had. Predictably, Bri had fallen asleep about halfway home, and so Ash parked in his usual spot and left the car running while he picked up his phone from the passenger seat.

The screen lit up with only one notification, and it was an email, not a text. He closed his eyes for a second, unsure how he felt about the tightness in his chest. Then he clicked on the notification and quickly skimmed the email.

Issaquah.

He’d been assigned to a kindergarten classroom at Sunset Elementary in the Issaquah School District. Pretty much exactly where he’d wanted to be. The email also reiterated what one of the counselors had told him—if he fit in well at the placement school and they had an opening, there was a good chance he could be offered a position after he graduated.

For a moment, his heart raced with both happiness and hope, his mind already jumping forward to the future. He could move there, be closer to where he and his sister had grown up in Renton and to the trails he and Bri loved to hike. Maybe not this year, since he’d still have classes at school, too, and since Bri was comfortable with her current daycare providers. But in the future . . . after he graduated, and after he and Cass decided—

Without even thinking about it, he’d switched to his phone app to call his boyfriend. But his stomach knotted up as he stared at the call button, his finger hovering over it.

Would Cass want to hear the news? And actually, what did all of this mean for their future? And . . . why hadn’t they already talked about it?

A sick twisting pain coiled its way through Ash’s stomach. Was this what Cass had been silently upset about for the last . . . however-long? The future?

Ash’s hand dropped to his lap, his excitement forgotten, and he shut his eyes and let his head fall back against the headrest. Was that it? He replayed the last week and a half—all the moments he could remember where Cass had hesitated, frowned, seemed to pull away; all the times Ash had mentioned the future, work, planning, moving, even when their next time together would be.

God, maybe that was it.

He clenched his jaw and looked back down at Cass’s name on his phone.

“I love you, too.”

His heart leapt but then tumbled in the very next second, a sharp pain lancing through his chest. Cass meant those words, Ash believed it with all of his being. There was no doubt in his mind at all. But the sadness, the hesitation, the despondency . . .

If that was it, if Cass was getting so anxious thinking about the future, why hadn’t he taken Ash up on any of his offers to talk about it? He’d tried several times over the last couple of weeks, including on the phone last night and in California last week. They’d always talked about everything; it was the only way their long-distance relationship had worked so well. And of course it was complicated and challenging and sometimes even heartbreaking being apart for all that time. But they’d both known it wasn’t going to be easy going in. And, until recently, Cass had always seemed happy, even when things were hard.

God, what if . . .

Ash couldn’t even let himself finish the thought. It hurt too much to consider.

It also hurt when he hit the power button to black out the screen and stuffed his phone in his pocket rather than calling Cass to tell him the good news.

And it hurt even more when he shut the car off, got out, and opened the back passenger door, seeing his niece there, comfortably asleep in her car seat with Ollie the Octopus in her lap.

Because although they hadn’t talked about it, every single version of the future that Ash had imagined had Cass right there in it, with the two of them. Every single version had more of those beautiful, soft, happy moments where Cass read Bri her bedtime story, tucked her into bed, kissed her forehead gently. Every single version, without fail, had Ash cuddling up in the arms of the man he loved, every night, for the rest of their lives.

He’d worked so, so hard over the last year and a half to even get himself to the point where he could consider a future in which he was happy. And it was because of Cass—his friendship, his love, his support—that Ash had gotten to where he was now.

The thought of losing that future . . .

He closed his eyes, fighting back against the pain still coursing through his heart. Then he took a long, slow breath and let it back out before stepping up to unstrap Bri so he could take her inside.

Ash (Sunday, June 18, 2023 – 5:55 p.m.): Can I call later?

Ash (5:56 p.m.): I think we should talk <3

Ash (6:04 p.m.): I love you