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Ash (12:16 a.m.): I’m sold! Lol
Ash (12:16 a.m.): And your other class?
Cass (12:18 a.m.): Nothing really yet. It’s a research class, and so they started out explaining how the project we’re required to complete will work. More info next week, and we have to pick a topic
Ash (12:18 a.m.): Any idea what you’re going to choose?
Cass (12:19 a.m.): Not yet
They continued chatting back and forth, first about the topics Cass was considering for his research class, then about Ash’s classes. Bri, thankfully, continued to sleep soundly, coughing on occasion but otherwise not waking. When a natural lull in the conversation came at around one thirty in the morning, Ash set down his phone for a moment and managed to carefully shift Bri to her crib. Then he collapsed back into bed and closed his eyes.
He should go to sleep now. That was definitely what he should do. Bri was sleeping—finally—and he should take advantage of that. Especially since tomorrow might be another long, trying day of managing a sick toddler.
He should definitely not stay up longer to chat with Cass.
Yet, he found himself reaching for his phone again after only another minute or two, pushing himself up from the bed, and hitting the call button as he quietly tiptoed out of the bedroom. Cass answered on the second ring, just after Ash made it to the living room.
“Hey,” Cass said, his voice deep and sleepy. “Everything okay? You didn’t have to call.”
“Yeah, sorry, uh . . .” Ash lowered himself to the couch, shifted onto his back, and closed his eyes. “I don’t know why I called, honestly. I just . . . I’m so tired, but I’m almost—I’m scared to sleep. I think. I don’t know.” He rubbed his forehead, searching for the right words. But he couldn’t find them. “I don’t know,” he repeated, and this time, the words felt almost desperate. “Can we just talk for a bit more? If you’re not too tired?”
“Of course,” Cass said. “Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you, too.”
“Oh yeah?” Ash shifted onto his side as he tugged the blanket off the back of the couch to cover himself.
“Yeah.” Cass paused and then cleared his throat. “I wanted to ask, um . . .” Cass trailed off with a quiet huff of a laugh. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be so nervous about it.”
Ash opened his eyes partway, staring off across the living room. “Thanksgiving?” he guessed, the single word strained.
“Yeah. Uh, did you decide if you’re going to Los Angeles?”
“I did,” Ash said slowly. “I am. Bri and me, I mean. Of course.”
His chest felt tight just thinking about it. The decision had been a difficult one for several reasons, not the least of which was that it would be the first time since his sister died that he’d be going back to California. But the more he’d considered his options, the more he’d realized that being alone on Thanksgiving—or, well, alone with just Bri—terrified him.
He could already feel the weight pressing down on him, the numbness returning to his mind and his fingers and his chest. He coughed and closed his eyes again.
“I don’t have any classes Wednesday through Sunday, so I was probably going to fly down Wednesday and back Sunday, or maybe Saturday,” he explained, just to have something to keep his mind from going to an even darker place.
“Probably?” Cass asked, and then he added, “So, you haven’t bought your plane ticket yet?”
“Not yet, no. Why?”
Cass blew out a breath, obviously nervous. “Well, I was sort of hoping maybe you could stop here on your way home,” he said. “Maybe, like, fly in Friday or Saturday and then out Sunday? There are flights here from Los Angeles and then to Seattle. And we have an extra bedroom so you could stay here, no need to get a hotel or anything. I’d, uh . . . I’d really like to see you again. If you want, that is.”
“Oh.” Ash shifted onto his back and opened his eyes to look up. Light peeked in from the street outside, casting shadowy stripes along the ceiling. He followed along each path as his brain raced in more circles. “I, uh . . .”
“No pressure if you don’t want to or aren’t ready yet,” Cass said gently. “I know traveling can be stressful enough without an extra stop. I just thought it might be a good opportunity, with the holiday and all.”
“It’s a good idea,” Ash agreed. “I just—” His throat constricted, and his heart seemed to pause, then thudded once—hard—in his chest before its rhythm evened back out. He forced a breath. “I just, um, I’m not sure about the cost, and I—I think I need to think about it, you know? The cost and then I’d have Bri with me, too, and I—”
“Ash,” Cass cut in, his voice firm but still gentle at the same time.
Ash swallowed again and moved one arm up to cover his eyes. “Hmm?”
“Really, no pressure,” Cass said softly. “Why don’t you think about it, and let me know when you’ve made a decision? Okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” Ash mumbled. “S-sorry, I just, um, it’s going to be a really hard time of the year. I already feel . . .” He shook his head, not wanting to say any more. “Sorry. I’ll let you know. Soon. And, actually . . .”
