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I frown before I can catch myself.
“What?” His eyebrows pinch. “You think he isn’t?”
“I don’t want to talk about Shane.”
“Well I do, and I’m the one in the hospital.”
“That’s not fair.” I narrow my eyes, but Dad smirks.
“I had a heart attack, so I don’t have to play fair. Now talk to me. I heard what Nora said. Why does she think you have a broken heart?”
“I don’t,” I lie, avoiding his gaze. “Shane’s not… We’re not actually dating. We made it up to help each other out, but it wasn’t real.”
His expression tightens. “What about it wasn’t real?”
“Everything.” I sigh. “Shane needed help building relationships in town, and I needed a place to crash after the fire.”
“You could have stayed with your brother.”
“I moved back to help the family, not be a burden. Besides, Shane had room at the bunkhouse, so it worked out. We made a deal to help each other. That’s all it was.”
Dad hums, not speaking for a moment. His lip quirks, and he doesn’t release my hand. “You care about him, right?”
“I care about you—”
“It’s not an either-or, honey. Do you care about Shane or not?”
“I do.” And I hate that Dad’s making me say it.
“There you go. Then it’s real.”
My shoulders sink. “Caring about him doesn’t miraculously change our agreement.”
“Oh, Harloe, it changes everything, and you know it.” His smile is a little sad. “That’s why you’re running right now. You might tell yourself this was just a farce or a deal or whatever you want to call it, but I saw how you looked at him. And I saw how he looked at you. I can’t figure out why you think you don’t deserve to be happy, but you do.”
“My family needs me right now.”
His eyebrows pinch. “No one said you can’t have both. Your brothers and I never asked you to choose us over having a relationship. What’s really holding you back, sweetheart?”
My chin drops; strands of hair hang in my face.
Dad’s thumb runs in circles over the back of my hand. He’s gotten older in the past year; his hands are deep with wrinkles. Those same hands that would rub my back when I got a bad grade on a test. Hands that helped pick gum out of my hair after I accidentally knocked Suzy Rowe off the merry-go-round. Hands that held mine at Mom’s funeral.
“I’ve been selfish for so long.” I frown.
“How?”
“I left.”
“That wasn’t selfish. That’s what you needed.”
“Yes, but you needed me here.”
Dad scoffs, so I glance up at him. “What we needed was for you to be happy again. I saw that light dim when you lost your mother. It dimmed in all of us. I was so scared you’d never find your spark again, but when you left, I knew that was the first step. I was glad to see you go because we all had a journey ahead, and while your brothers and I found our healing here, you were never going to do that.”
“Because I’m a coward, and I run.” Just like I did with Shane.
Dad reaches up, sweeping a piece of hair behind my ear. “You’re not a coward, honey. Far from it. You’re fierce and brave and wild in all the best ways. You have your mother’s heart. Did you know that after high school, she ran for a little while too? She went off and explored the world before she came back and finally agreed to marry me.”
