Page 3

“So, everything went well today?” my dad asks. “Any issues?”

I swallow the bite I just put into my mouth. “It was good. Fine.” Nervousness starts to ripple in my stomach again. “No issues, really. Of course Uncle John was there. I signed a lot of papers,” I tell him with a laugh. “I was nervous. I still am, but I have a lot of ideas. I’d love to put my personal touches in the shop a little but keep it appealing to the current customers, you know?”

“Makes sense. You want to keep the loyal customers but also open it to bring in new customers. Maybe some younger ones,” he says.

I nod. “I think I’ll give it a little time and get my feet under me, then see what I can do.”

“That’s smart.” He points his fork at me. “You’ll do fine, Lev. I have no doubt about that. You’re ready, and your uncle wouldn’t have given you the place if he didn’t think so.” With a warm smile, he adds, “And we’ll all be around to help you if you need it.”

His encouragement is nothing new. He’s always been supportive of me and anything I’ve wanted to do or try throughout my life. When Lindsey and I were younger, we could bring pretty much any idea to him, and he’d work with us to try to make it happen, whether it be a project or trying a new sport. My mom was the same; she loved when we wanted her help in the kitchen, trying out new recipes. Still, his words right now give me even more of a sense of belonging, and I cling to it.

“I know, Dad. I appreciate that,” I say, returning his smile.

After dinner, Lindsey and I help clear the table and do the dishes before we head outside to sit around the fire pit on our back patio. I decided to stay here tonight in my old room instead of going to my apartment since I knew I wanted to hang out with my sister. My parents have no shame in sharing with me how happy they are about that.

When our parents say good night and retire to their room, Lindsey and I stay outside by the fire, talking and filling each other in on what’s happened over the last few months. My sister explains that she’s still working two jobs, stashing away her money for her trip. She works days at the diner and nights at a high-end restaurant closer to the center of town. The money’s good, I guess, and since most of her friends have gone away to school, she likes keeping herself busy.

“So, Kayla and Jenna and Ericka all traveled around to different places after graduation and are back now. Kayla and Jenna went to Mexico, and Ericka went to Japan. The group that all hung out right out of high school—Mallory, Beth, Lizbel, Jeff—they all went off to college. Hannah is married, and I think she’s having a baby soon. Luke and Tim both hooked up with Kayla at one point last year. I think she’s actually with Tim now, but she doesn’t really talk about it much. Do you remember Max? He’s at the diner with me. He’s one of the cooks.” She’s talking so fast and rattling off so many names that it’s making my head spin.

I can only nod. “Linds, you know I really don’t know who many of these people are, right?” I chuckle.

“Ugh, I know.” She huffs and leans her head on the back of the chair. “It’s because you’ve been gone a long time! I’m really glad you’re back.” She smiles at me, and even though my heart warms at her words, I know what’s coming.

It’s been months since she’s given me an update, and I’m antsy as hell as she stares into the fire, keeping her gaze away from me. Lindsey starts bouncing her knee and finally breaks first, somehow blurting out the words in a whisper that’s almost too quiet to hear.

“He came into the diner a few days ago.”

My head snaps up to find Lindsey’s eyes, but she’s still staring at the fire. My stomach clenches, waiting for her to say more, so I stay quiet, though I’m not sure I’d be able to get any words out anyway.

She shrugs. “He looks okay, I guess. Maybe a little tired? He just got coffee to go, but . . . I hadn’t seen him for a while before that.” She finally looks at me. “Are you doing okay being back? With, you know . . . everything?”

I take a deep breath and sigh. She’s asking like I’m some fragile thing, like she’s scared I’ll fall right back into being the person I was in those two shitty years after Nate died. “I haven’t really thought much about it,” I lie. I’ve thought a lot about it.

“Look,” she says, turning in her chair to give me her “don’t bullshit me” face. “You’re back now, and you know they’re here. Nate’s family, specifically Dare. Yeah, I know you considered everything when you were making the decision to move back. But there’s a huge difference between theoretically being back and actually being back. You’re going to have to be okay with seeing them from time to time, more than that, even. It’s a small town, Lev. You’re eventually gonna have to face all your ghosts.”

Leave it to my sister to lay it out for me, saying the quiet parts out loud. But all of that—everything she just said—I’ve already thought about it countless times. Lindsey and Dare had just started high school when the accident happened, and they were sophomores when I moved. She kept me updated, though, because she knew I still cared, even if it wasn’t easy to hear how much Dare struggled. But I felt like I needed to hear it. It was a little bit of a sick way for me to punish myself for running away from my grief and guilt and responsibilities.

Lindsey gives my shoulder a gentle nudge. “Don’t spiral.”

“I’m fine, really. It’s just . . . I’m not sure I’m ready to face them. I can’t see Dare. Not yet.” I feel tears prickling behind my eyes, and I swallow hard. You’d think after eight years, it would be easier—that I wouldn’t want to puke or cry or rage at the unfairness of the situation every time I think of Nate. He was my best friend, and the night that everything changed, my world came crashing down around me. And god, poor Dare. He was just freshly thirteen years old. He lost himself that night when he lost his brother. From what I understand, he hasn’t been able to find himself fully again since.

That’s my fault too. Any struggles he had to suffer through were my fault, and I can’t forgive myself for that. I should have been there to stop what happened. I was Nate’s best friend. His other person. I was the responsible one. I should have been there to take Nate’s keys and keep him in the house. If I’d been there that night, I’d still have my best friend. Nathan Archer would still be alive, Dare would still have a brother, and his family and my life would not have been left in shambles.

Chapter 2

Darian

Iclose my laptop after my client meeting and stand up to stretch. A yawn escapes me, and I lean into it, pushing my breath out loudly. It’s too fucking early for this. I like being able to make my own hours as an independent contractor, but this potential client is a big one, and when they insisted on an early morning meeting, I agreed, even if I knew I’d regret it later. I’m glad I agreed, though. They want me to work on a rebrand of their business to make it more modern and appealing. It’s the kind of project I love to dive into and use my creativity. Landing this client would also be killer for my portfolio. But more importantly, it’d make the money in my bank account money I earned, not money my parents gave me. And the satisfaction of knowing that is worth more than a couple extra hours of sleep.

Working as an independent contractor is not for the faint of heart, and I do appreciate having a cushion to fall back on if work dries up. But what I really want, even if I know I can’t have it, is for things with my parents to be how they used to be, before all the shit hit the fan.

I want family vacations, lots of gifts at Christmas, dinner together on a regular basis, hugs and physical connection. And movies and board games and video games. I want what Nate and I had growing up. A family that’s there and that cares.

But I haven’t had that since Nate died. My parents did their disappearing act, gave me an account with a large sum of money in it, and then sort of moved on. Maybe the money helped them feel less guilty about not being there. But it hasn’t really helped me.

Sure, it got me through school, and when I turned twenty-one and my dad passed the responsibility to me to manage it, I used a good chunk to add an attached bathroom to my bedroom, upgrade my office space, and buy the best tablet and computer I could for work. The rest is just sitting in the account.

I have plans for it, maybe. I’ve been thinking about buying a house—more specifically, this house. But I haven’t brought that up to them yet. I know I should. After all, they don’t really live here anymore, even if it’s still technically their house. That’s something I need to plan for, though. And not something to think about when I’m not caffeinated.