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“She’s dating Ryan Michaels. Dare’s best friend.”

His name is familiar, but I still can’t place anything about him, either. Shit, I have been gone for a long time. I just look at her, inviting her to continue.

“Anyway, Darian was there.”

The name slams into me, causing my stomach to tighten. I take a breath and stare at the label on my water bottle. My thumb starts playing with the corner that has detached from the bottle. Lindsey continues.

“Sophie said that he was pretty wrecked, and Jenna, another girl, was all kissing up on him, but he left the party alone.”

Something rolls through me, and I can’t figure out what it is exactly. Of course Dare would be at a party on a Friday night. Of course he would be hooking up with someone.

“Sounds like he’s making something work for himself here,” I say, my voice tight. “Good for him.”

Lindsey sighs. “You’re going to see him eventually, Lev.”

“I’m well aware,” I reply coldly. I can tell from the expression on her face that a lecture is coming, the same lecture that always comes after any conversation we’ve had about Nate’s accident in the past six years. Lindsey hates when I blame myself for Nate’s death and tries to remind me every chance she can that I’m not to blame. It never helps.

“Lev, my god, when will you realize that it wasn’t your fault!?” She throws her hands in the air with an exasperated sigh. I stare at her but don’t respond. “You have to stop blaming yourself. You didn’t get behind the wheel. You didn’t make a poor decision to try to drive. You didn’t get Nate all fucked up and throw him the keys. It hurts us all to know how much guilt you have over this. It wasn’t your fault!” Her hand reaches out to grasp mine. She gives it a squeeze.

I quickly pull my hand away. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I say, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. “I may not have done any of that, but that’s the problem. I didn’t do anything.”

“You weren’t even there!” she exclaims, throwing her head back in frustration. “You were at another party! How could you—”

“Exactly,” I cut in. “I wasn’t there. I don’t want to talk about it, Lindsey. Please.” My stomach is churning, and I swallow deeply.

She sighs and aggressively sets her water bottle on the table. “You’re back, Levon. People are here. Nate’s family is here. You came back to us. You will see them. I wish you would just realize that it wasn’t your fault so you can start to live in peace!”

I send her a glare and meet her eyes. “This conversation is done.”

She groans and tosses her bottle at me. “You’re a mess, Lev. I just wish you could let some of it go. It’s bringing you down.” She sighs deeply, as if she’s punctuating her point, and she pauses as she seems to study me for a minute. Her gaze is intense, boring into me, and I look away quickly.

I don’t need her to see just how much I’m not okay, and I also don’t need the conversation to continue the way it has. It feels like every time we talk lately, it goes back to this. My family tries to tell me to let go of the guilt, and I know I’ll never be able to do that. I’m about to change the subject to just about anything else when she beats me to it.

“Oh! I wanted to ask you about that guy from Sheltonville.” I glance up at her, and her voice softens as she says, “How did you guys leave it?”

“Seth?” I ask, and she nods. “I broke it off. It was casual anyway.”

I met Seth about a week after moving to Sheltonville. I was a mess, and he was the calm to my storm. I kept it casual but definitely used him to numb some of the pain—or just to feel something.

She sighs. “How’d he take it?”

“He wasn’t happy, but he got why. We both knew it wasn’t going anywhere. He was looking for some fun and companionship, and it was perfect for us. I mean, I’m a few hours away now, and casual hookups don’t mean much, you know? And I’m definitely not driving several hours for it.” I run a hand through my hair and try to redirect the conversation again. “And what about you? You seeing anyone?”

She wrinkles her nose. “Nah. Not really.” I raise an eyebrow. “I was sort of seeing this guy Matt for a few weeks, but I wasn’t feeling it, so I just stopped.”

I laugh. “Away foul peasant,” I joke.

“It wasn’t like that,” she scoffs. I shoot her a look, calling her on her bullshit. “Well, maybe it was.” She scrunches her face. “So you’re meeting Uncle John at the garage tomorrow?” she asks, changing the subject completely.

“Yeah, and on that note, I’m kicking your ass out. It’s late.”

Lindsey gets up from the table, picks up the water bottle she threw at me earlier, and tosses it into the recycle bin. “Yeah, I have to be at work at five for the breakfast shift tomorrow, so I should get going anyway.” She gives me a quick hug and then heads out the door.

And I’m alone again.

I lock the door behind her and turn down the hallway to my bedroom. Five minutes later, I’m crawling under my new comforter and sheets. Navy, to match the curtains and rug, of course. I settle in and take out my phone.

I haven’t really been following Dare’s socials since I left, but I haven’t needed to, since Lindsey’s been keeping me up-to-date. She’s the little town gossip, and she’s kept me just as attached as I wanted to be. Now that I’m back, though, and, as she keeps reminding me, I’m going to run into him eventually, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to check up on him myself and see what he’s doing.