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God, he’s big. I’m not a stranger to being a bottom, but this feels amazing. It also feels . . . different. Not in the way his cock feels inside me, but in the meaning behind it. We’re connected, intimately. This means something more than just a fuck, and that’s new to me. It makes everything more intense.

Lev’s cock fills me completely now, and what started as stretching and discomfort quickly morphs into pleasure.

“Move. I need you to move!” I basically shout to him, as I feel my orgasm barreling down my spine like a freight train. Lev pulls out slowly and slides back in, and we both release a matching moan. He does it again, and as I loosen fully for him, he’s able to move faster. He quickly finds a rhythm, breathing along with the lascivious sound of our skin smacking as he fucks me. “Ooohhhmygod, Lev. Harder, please. Fuck. Harder.”

Lev grabs my hips and slams in me, both of us grunting and moaning. I’m meeting him thrust for thrust, pushing back into him as he fucks into me. I can’t help but grip the sheets in front of me, holding on for dear life. My dick is weeping, and I can’t hold out much longer. I grab the base tightly to try to hold off my orgasm, but it’s no use. It crashes into me, and I shout as hot streams of cum jet out of me, causing me to push back into Lev. He meets me at every stroke, and after only a few more thrusts, he grips me harder. His hips stutter as he pushes as deeply as he can into me, moaning and calling out my name. His heavy breathing shudders, and he pushes in and stalls, repeating the action until he’s empty. Then he collapses on top of me, forcing my legs out and blanketing me with his big, hard body.

“God damn,” he whispers, panting.

My heart’s still racing, and I exhale a short breath. “Fuck.”

He takes a few more seconds to catch his breath and then pushes up off of my body, his soft cock leaving me. I immediately feel the emptiness and make a whimpering sound, purposely this time. He kisses my shoulder and chuckles as he stands up and heads to the bathroom.

While he’s in the bathroom, it hits. The shame and guilt. It hits me like a ton of fucking bricks, and my stomach lurches as my mind starts racing with the realization of what we just did and what it means.

No, no, no. I don’t want to feel this.

What just happened was amazing and beautiful, and I shouldn’t feel this shame and doubt and guilt. Overwhelming guilt. Guilt that I have Lev and neither of us have Nate.

Lev comes back with a warm washcloth and starts to clean me up. I roll over and stop him, forcing a smile and taking the cloth. I try not to look at him, as hard as it is. I don’t want to have to explain what’s going on in my head right now, though I’m sure the turmoil is swirling in my eyes. He’s still glistening with sweat but looks fucking amazing. Blissful I may even dare to say. When I’m done, he cleans himself and comes back to bed, handing me the bottle of water we brought into his room when we first got here. I drink it and start to lie down.

“Are you okay?” he asks, giving me a kiss that I return as a peck. “Was that . . .”

I put my hand on his arm but look away. “That was more than okay,” I reassure him.

He doesn’t seem to buy it. He lies down and motions for me to join him. When I settle down onto the bed, he spoons me, holding me tightly to him. It feels so good. He’s still warm, and his chest against my back is just perfect. He kisses my neck and my hair and my ear and pulls me closer.

“Hey, he says softly, “are you sure you’re okay?”

I nod, although there’s a lump forming in my throat. Thankfully, Lev seems to accept my answer or at least sense that what I’m holding back is too big and too heavy for right now. Thank fuck for that.

He kisses my neck again, giving me a squeeze at the same time. “Good night, little lycan.”

“Night, Lev,” I manage to whisper.

He laces his fingers through mine and holds me until I hear his breathing even out and I know he’s asleep. I, however, lie awake and try to fight off the thoughts that are threatening to ruin one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Chapter 42

Levon

When I wake up the next morning, my bed is cold, and there’s no warm body near me. Sitting up, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I’m alone, and the side of the bed that Dare was on when we fell asleep last night is empty.

I reach out and run my hand over the sheets, but they’re cold too. My heart stumbles as I glance up toward the bathroom. The door is open, the light off.

Fuck.

I flop onto my back with an exasperated sigh and run my hand through my hair. What the fuck? After dragging myself out of bed, I go to the bathroom and relieve myself, then I wash my hands and splash water on my face.

Maybe he’s in the living room or kitchen. Maybe he couldn’t sleep.

That has to be it, right?

Padding out to the living room, I look around, but it’s as empty as my bed. He’s not there. Or in the kitchen.

“FUCK!” I shout as I slam my hand down on the island.