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“Is it not a good thing?”

I shook my head again. “I’m not . . . I’m not built for relationships. For . . . love.”

Cameron squeezed my hand once, his brow furrowing again as his face softened further. “That’s not true, Tris.”

“It is, though,” I insisted, even as the two other men at the table frowned at me. “Love isn’t in the cards for me.”

“Why do you say that, Tris?” Sam asked.

I blinked away the tears that were burning at the backs of my eyes, shoving a bite of cooling lasagna into my mouth to buy me some time. I needed to talk about this; I needed to let someone in. I hadn’t shared this much with anyone, not even Cameron.

But I wasn’t ready. So I did what I always did.

Shake it off, change the subject, make them laugh.

I straightened in my seat. “It just isn’t. But I don’t need love. I just need a good dicking down. And fuck—his dick was the stuff of legends.”

Cameron shot Sam a meaningful glance before he turned back to me. “Um, what?”

I grinned, doing my damnedest to force the tension from the room. “His cock—goddamn. Let me tell you, bestie, the man has a god’s dick—he’s extremely well-endowed. Split me in half.”

Sam snorted a laugh at that.

But despite my deflection, I felt like I owed them something real. So I swallowed hard and spoke a small fraction of the truth. I could let them in, just a little. “But that’s not the problem. He was an amazing lay—god, he really was—but I felt something with him. Something more. And that was . . . Shit. It was terrifying.” I swallowed again, flicking my eyes toward the men at the table with me, and dug deep to admit my biggest fear in a broken whisper. “What if he finds out I’m not worth it? What if he won’t choose me?”

Sam stepped in, voice confident and bold. “Enough of that talk, Tristan. You absolutely are worth it—any guy would be goddamn lucky to have you, whoever he is. Period.”

Cameron was nodding vigorously, expression serious. “Absolutely, Tris. The right guy will love you—choose you—because of the amazing person you already are.”

We tucked back into our food, and I chewed and swallowed another bite before posing a question to the couple. “So what do I do next?”

Cameron sipped from his glass of water and set it back down before answering. “You take it one day at a time. Give him a chance, and see where it goes. Do you think he’s worth it?”

I smiled. “Absolutely.”

“Then I think you have your answer,” Sam offered, effectively capping off the conversation.

He was right. And I desperately wanted what Sam and Cameron were saying I deserved.

But how could I risk my heart without knowing if Henry would take care of it?

***

The next day, after a few exhilarating gaming sessions with Nate and our usual crew, I took a quick shower then prepped for my next live stream. Midafternoon seemed to be a good time for a lot of my regulars—maybe several were on the East Coast and had just finished dinner?—so I liked to plan a good portion of my performances around this time.

I took a deep breath, lowered my voice, and dropped into my British-esque accent, testing out a few sentences to my empty room. Then, with one tap, I was live.

“Hi, everyone! Welcome in.”

I wiggled a bit, settling on the edge of the bed so I was more comfortable. I wore a thin pair of gray joggers, a fan favorite. They’d come off soon enough.

“Today, I’ll be using several toys and implements. And because I know how much you all like to be involved, I’ll offer up a game of sorts. I’ll ask a question, and whoever wins will get to choose what I use and how—within reason, of course. As always, I have veto power.” I waggled my eyebrows and noticed the chat start to pop off.

One name was notably missing, though by this point, I expected it. I just wished Henry was here. He hadn’t come to a live since I first brushed him off in my DMs a few months ago.

Forcing the thought away, I sat on the edge of my bed next to all the toys I’d approved for today’s show. Nipple clamps, a vibrator, a large dildo, a plug, a cock ring, even a ribbed cock sleeve were laid out, clean, and ready for use. I couldn’t do everything by myself—a blindfold was a no-go, for example—and despite the many requests I’d received for teaming up, I kept my channel strictly solo. I didn’t want to do this with anyone else.

Except maybe Henry, if he’d even be into that sort of thing, but that was an idea for another day.