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Why the hell does it hurt so terribly to think about them together? I should be happy for them!

Nix bumps his arm against mine, pulling me out of my inner turmoil. I look over at him, offering him a little smile. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say right away, not wanting Nix to worry. “I’m just kinda tired.”

Nix hums softly. “Did you stay up reading too late again?”

“Maybe,” I say, giving him an actual genuine smile now. “There was this fic I couldn’t put down.”

“Tell me about it?”

I spend the rest of the walk to the university telling Nix about the fic I read. It’s not entirely a lie, I really did stay up too late but it wasn’t because I was reading, it’s because I was fretting. What if things between us change once they get together? What if Nix leaves me behind? Will I be able to handle that?

“So then,” I say, running my fingers over the end of my braid, “he offered to duel the demon king in order to win the guy’s hand in marriage. It was very intense but also really silly at the same time. I loved every second of it.”

“That sounds awesome,” Nix says excitedly, smiling over at me so wide it makes the dimple in his cheek pop. “I love it when you tell me about the stories you read. You get so excited to talk about them.”

I feel myself flush and I quickly look away. “I’m glad I’m not being too annoying.”

“What the fuck?” Nix grabs my arm while we walk. “You could never annoy me, Kassian. I love listening to you talk. It’s one of my favorite things.”

Gods, why the fuck does he has to say stuff like that? Why can’t he just reject me already so I can start to get over him?

Nix is looking at me so genuinely that it makes my heart leap up into my throat. I feel like I’m suffocating, or maybe choking on my own heart. Gods, I fucking hate this but what am I supposed to do? How does he expect me to react to these soft words other than fall helplessly more in love with him?

Thankfully, we’re walking up the steps to the university, saving myself from needing to come up with an answer.

“We’re here,” I say, looking up at the front doors of the library. The building is made of red bricks and looks super old, the architecture is grand with pointed roofs and swooping archways. It’s stunning.

“Wow, this place looks fucking rad,” Nix says beside me before running up the steps. My maxiskirt billows in the wind as I follow behind at a much slower rate. My heart picks up speed as we walk through the door.

There’s an entryway but as we walk into the next room, there are rows and rows of towering bookcases. Everywhere I look, there are books. The room smells like old pages and stale coffee.

I love this place immediately.

Looking over at Nix, I find his brown eyes wide with wonder. My stomach swoops with affection so strong it threatens to put me on my knees. I keep it together, but only just barely.

“Let’s find Dean,” Nix says, taking my wrist in his hands as he starts walking forward. My entire arm buzzes with energy, like there’s a bunch of bees trapped under my skin. I clench my teeth before I do something ridiculous like try to lace our fingers together and hold his hand properly.

It’s getting harder and harder to keep all these feelings at bay. I have to keep them hidden more than ever.

“Dean!” Nix says, probably far louder than he should be since we’re in a library.

We find Dean sitting at a desk in the middle of an open area. He’s got a stack of books on his desk and he’s carefully stamping something inside of them. He’s wearing a pair of glasses on his face that he wasn’t wearing when we met him.

Dean looks up, his eyes finding the two of us. His face morphs into a soft smile that makes my insides warm up against my permission.

What the fuck is that? Why does his smile make me feel like this? The only other time I feel like this is when I’m looking at Nix.

“Oh,” Dean says softly, “you guys made it. That’s wonderful.”

“We said we’d come,” Nix says, finally letting go of my wrist and walking over to the desk. He leans his hands on it, looking down at what Dean was just working on.

Part of me wonders if I should just wander around the library so I can give the two of them a moment alone. The bigger part of me doesn’t want to leave. Soon enough, they’ll get all the alone time they want. I want to spend time with Nix as much as I can before that. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I can’t find it in myself to actually care. I need this while I can still have it, while it’s still allowed.

Dean’s eyes scan both of us up and down, taking us in. Is he…is he checking us out? I’m not sure but his eyes are like a warm caress against my skin. I can’t help but wonder if he likes what he sees. Surely, he likes looking at Nix because honestly who wouldn’t? But does he also think I’m cute?

Fuck, why am I worrying about that?