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And she was a little worried that he was bringing it up. Should she worry?

“A few of the elves watching the test were talking…” Merrik shook his head, his gaze falling away from hers. “It does not matter what they said.”

“I see.” She could guess. There had been those in training who had resented that she was a Laesornysh. It was all right for Fieran to have inherited Dacha’s magic, but when she did, suddenly there were those intimidated by her. “I know you’re not like that.”

Of course he wasn’t. He was Merrik.

“I just wanted you to know that I do not ever want you to hold back.” Merrik reached out and gently touched her cheek. “I want you to shine as brightly and boldly as you can. I do not mind being in the background. I prefer it.”

His words were sweet. They were. But then he had to go add those last two sentences.

She huffed and shook her head. “That’s not how a relationship works, Merrik. It’s not a healthy relationship if one person is kept silenced and stifled. I want a partner, not someone to trail after me in the background. I want you to be all that you can be, and maybe that means you need to figure out how to step out of my shadow. Out of Fieran’s shadow.”

Merrik might not resent her magic the way a man who hadn’t grown up around her and her family might have, but he was too used to being in the background.

“Stand on my own two feet and all that.” Merrik’s mouth tipped in a lopsided hint of a smile.

“Something like that.” She rested a hand on his shirt, not sure if she should pull him closer or give him a light shove to punctuate her words.

She would make sure that he didn’t just fade into the background of her shadow. He could be a leader to stand at her side, if he dared let himself step forward.

In the end, she settled on tugging him close and kissing him. She was coming to the conclusion that most discussions with her boyfriend should end with a kiss.

After a moment, Merrik ended the kiss, though he didn’t immediately withdraw his hand from her cheek. “As much as I love kissing you, we do not want to be late. Mama has been planning your favorite supper to celebrate, and Kari is going to decorate the table.”

“No, we definitely wouldn’t want to be late for that.” Adry smiled before she released Merrik and rose to her feet. Her family might not be here to celebrate with her, but at least she had Merrik’s mama and sister.

Chapter

Fifteen

After showering and dressing the next morning, Merrik sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the envelope he’d found waiting for him on the table beside the bed when he’d returned the previous day.

Another letter from Fieran. After the first few, Mama had taken to merely leaving them on his bedside table where he’d see them but where she didn’t have to see the way he refused to read them.

He picked it up, taking in the lack of a return address, the stamp of the Escarlish Army, the smudges and dirt from how long this letter had been passing through the army mail system before it reached him.

It was time.

After pivoting on his left foot to transfer himself from the bed to his wheelchair, he took a deep breath and pulled open the table’s drawer. The drawer stuck, the heaps of letters within getting caught, and it took a moment for him to pry it the rest of the way open.

Once he’d piled the letters on his lap, he rolled himself across the room and onto the balcony. The pleasant, cool air of the summer morning wrapped around him, twined with the twittering birds and the rustling of the leaves.

After lowering himself from the wheelchair to the balcony floor, he took several minutes to sort the letters by the dates stamped on the envelopes. The earliest ones were the easiest to locate, since they were in better quality envelopes with Treehaven as the return address.

His fingers trembling slightly, Merrik peeled open the first envelope and tugged out the letter that Fieran had written weeks ago shortly after they both crashed.

As he read, his heart ached, but it was the ache of a wound being lanced. Or perhaps the relief of that burning ember in his chest finally being quenched.

Fieran had apologized. Truly recognized what he’d done and apologized for it.

Merrik released a long breath and tried to release his anger along with it. He’d blamed Fieran for the crash, but besides not taking a moment to discuss a plan, had Fieran done anything wrong? Their duty required them to be reckless, after all. Who but someone reckless would climb into an aeroplane and fling himself or herself into battle?

Yes, Fieran had a history of recklessly charging into things without thinking anything through. He tended to do what he wished, expecting others to follow, without taking into account the input of others.

And yet Merrik had been his friend for years and never confronted him about it. He’d chosen to swallow back his annoyance and just let Fieran get away with his obliviousness. It had taken Fieran’s girlfriend Pip—someone who had only known Fieran a few months—to point it out.

Instead, Merrik had secretly harbored that ember, letting it build and build until it flared into searing anger when the crash sent him spiraling. By keeping quiet for so long, he’d hurt both of them.