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A bitter laugh escapes me. “Control? That’s rich, coming from you. But fine, you want to know what I want? I want time, Nico. Time to think, to process, to come to terms with the fact that my life has just been turned upside down.”
He nods, his jaw tight. But there’s a glimmer of something in his eyes, something that looks almost like…understanding. “Then that’s what you’ll have,” he says, almost gently. “As much time as you need. I’ll make sure of it.”
I stare at him, searching his face for any hint of deception, any sign that this is just another manipulation.
But all I see is sincerity, a raw honesty that I never thought him capable of.
It’s too much. I can’t deal with the implications of what it means.
“I…I need to go,” I manage, my voice cracking. “I can’t do this right now.”
I flee the room before he can respond, practically running up the stairs to my bedroom.
The moment the door closes behind me, I collapse against it, sobs wracking my body as the tears I’ve been holding back finally break free.
I cry for the life growing inside me, for the impossible choice I now face.
I cry for the fear that grips me, the terror of facing this alone, cut off from everyone I love.
Maksim, Nikolai…God, they’re going to be furious when they find out.
The thought of facing their reaction, their disappointment and anger, makes my stomach churn.
But most of all, I cry for myself. For the woman I used to be, the life I used to have.
The certainty and control that have been ripped away from me, leaving me adrift in a sea of chaos and confusion.
And through it all, a single, traitorous thought keeps circling in my mind, taunting me with its awful truth.
I have feelings for Nico.
The man who stalked me, gave me no choice but to come here, who now holds my future in his hands.
The man who is part of a world I’ve spent my entire life running from.
As a doctor, I’ve sworn an oath to preserve life, to do no harm.
But Nico…Nico deals in death and destruction. His hands are stained with blood, his soul marred by the unspeakable things he’s done.
And yet, somewhere along the way, I’ve let him in.
I’ve let myself feel something for him, something that goes beyond mere captive and captor.
The realization sickens me, shame and self-loathing rising in my throat like bile. What kind of person does that make me?
I wrap my arms around myself, hugging my knees to my chest as I rock back and forth on the floor.
I’ve never felt so alone, so utterly lost and helpless.
I don’t know how to do this.
I don’t know how to reconcile the woman I am with the feelings I have for the man who’s taken everything from me.
I don’t know how long I sit there, huddled against the door, tears streaming down my face.
Time seems to lose all meaning, drowned out by the chaos of my thoughts and the ache in my chest.
A knock at the door startles me out of my misery. I freeze, holding my breath, hoping whoever it is will just go away.