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“Come for me, baby,” I growl into her ear. “Let me feel you.”

That is the permission she seemingly needs. Her whole body begins to shake as her orgasm overtakes her. Her legs tighten around me as I continue thrusting into her, seeking my own release.

I capture her lips in a searing kiss, my thrusts becoming sloppier as I ride out my high.

I collapse against her, our gasps mingling as I try to calm my racing heart. Katerina’s chest rises and falls rapidly as my dick rapidly starts to soften and I feel my cum start to leak out of her.

Katerina lightly taps me on the shoulder and I take the hint, rolling off her so my back is on the floor too, only a few inches from her.

Sweat rolls down my face and my skin sticks to the hardwood floor. I stare at the ceiling. Everything in me is screaming.

Say it now, my brain screams to me.

Right now, while she’s still warm beside you. Tell her about Russo. Tell her about Dino. Tell her Seraphina is coming tonight. Tell her all of it, right now, while she is still lying here having just—for God’s sakes man, she offered to help you carry this burden!

I open my mouth to do it.

“Nico?”

Katerina isn’t looking at me as she’s also staring at the ceiling, her hair plastered to her forehead, her ponytail holder just barely holding on.

“Hmm?”

“Is—” She swallows. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk to me about what’s on your mind?”

The truth is right fucking there.

All I need to do is just open my mouth and let the words come out, except when I try, it’s like I’m struck dumb. But I know if I tell her right now, whatever moment we had—what we are currently having—will be gone.

And I can’t…I can’t bear the thought of that right now.

“No,” I tell her, shaking my head. “No, nothing.”

Liar, my brain screams to me, but I hush it.

She’s quiet for a moment. Then her hand reaches for mine and I lace our fingers together, bringing our joined hands to my mouth to press a kiss to her knuckles.

I can feel her decide not to push, and I hate myself for how relieved that makes me.

I am selfish about her. I have stopped even pretending I’m not.

Tomorrow, I tell myself. Tomorrow I’ll tell her. When there’s more time. When I’ve figured out how to say it so it doesn’t take this away from us before it’s even started.

I press my mouth to our hands again.

The lie tastes like ash.

11

KATERINA

TICK. TICK. TICK.

The clock on the nightstand is the only sound in the room and I have been listening to it for what feels like hours.

I drift off somewhere around two, in a kind of thin, hazy sleep that doesn’t actually feel like sleep, more like floating just under the surface of it, then I’m awake again twenty minutes later, staring at the same shadow on the ceiling, bone-tired and wide awake at the same time.

My sleep schedule has been a disaster for years and I blame undergrad and med school and residency, but especially residency.