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Finally, she sighed. “Do you really love him?”

I looked through the windshield. “Yes.”

“Fuck!” She yelled.

I smiled through the tears. That wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no either.

At that point in my life, I had become very comfortable living in between that.

13

Blair

I woke up feeling like I’d been resurrected. Brunch with Nash had ended at one. I vaguely remembered coming home, taking off my bra, crawling into bed, and calling Nash.

There had been conversation because I remembered laughing. Then— Nothing. Apparently six mimosas had escorted my ass directly into REM sleep.

I rubbed my eyes, looked at my phone, and our call was still connected. Two hours and thirteen minutes. I heard a low rumble through the speaker. I covered my mouth laughing. That motherfucker was snoring. I pulled the phone closer and sure enough, Nash was knocked the fuck out.

I shook my head and rolled onto my back. Brunch had been good.

Really good.

Nothing extravagant.

No deep conversation about childhood wounds.

No relationship questions.

No interrogation about where this was going.

We ate, drank, and laughed. I liked that man. A lot. The realization didn’t scare me and maybe it was the leftover champagne. I’d reevaluate sober.

Nash snored again.

I smiled. “Fine ass and sound like a lawn mower.”

I grabbed my phone and switched over to Facebook without ending the call. Bad decision. Facebook was where people from your past went to remind you they were still having lives without you. I scrolled past an engagement, a baby announcement, and my cousin Lyrix posting about her being in New Orleans visiting her heaux again.

My thumb stopped at a picture of Gabby standing in the middle of a group of women at a birthday dinner. I knew every face because they were my old friends. Girls who’d been inside my house. Girls I’d vacationed with. Girls who had sat around tables with me talking about men, marriage, careers, babies, sex, everything. There had been a time when I would’ve been in that picture.

I didn’t miss them. I had Klair and Janelle. Janelle had started as my assistant and somehow ended up becoming one of the few people I genuinely trusted. My circle was small. More of a period than a circle.

Sometimes lonely was lonely. No amount of pretending made it something else.

I clicked Gabby’s profile and that was my second mistake. She had pictures and years of friendship continued without me.

Most of them had left when they found out about Caleb way before Ravenna found out. Once the truth started moving through our circle, some of them couldn’t reconcile what I was doing with the Blair they thought they knew.

It was uniquely painful having people you’d loved look at you like one decision had revealed your entire character. They didn’t care about the explanations. I’d said all the same shit over and over until I sounded like a recording. None of it mattered to them. He had a wife. I knew. End of story.

One by one, invitations stopped. Group chats got quiet. Then I realized they had just made new ones.

Gabby was different. She stayed, sort of. Behind closed doors, she would come over and let me cry. Then she stopped wanting to go anywhere with me.

Dinner?

Let’s just order something.