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Claire laughs, sliding into the seat. “If we break down, I’m calling James and his protractor.”
Chapter 33
Claire
I’ve rearranged the brownies three times. They look fine. They looked fine the first time.
Actually, the second batch look slightly burnt at the edges; maybe I should redo them.
Biting my lip, I stare into the dining room. I set the table for four, but now I’m worried that was optimistic. What if Kath just decides to leave?
The knock at the door makes me jump, and I hurry down the hall.
Kath’s expression when I open it is somewhere between amused and concerned. She’s holding a bottle of wine, and has a blue scarf wrapped around her neck.
“You said to arrive early for dinner, and without Sam,” she says. “I arrived early. Should I be worried?”
“No.” I step aside to let her in, leading her towards the kitchen. “Well. Maybe slightly.”
She clocks the brownies immediately as she drops her bag on the counter and unwinds the scarf. “Oooh. You baked my favourite brownies. Thank you.”
“Yes, and I did double so you could take some home.”
Kath turns to look at me. “How bad is this conversation going to be? The bribery is concerning.”
“No, nothing bad.” I push the plate towards her. “Here, you can try one to tide you over before dinner.”
She breaks off a piece, but keeps looking at me warily.
My palms are already damp, and I steel myself. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“I know that.” She takes a bite of brownie. “Your text literally contained the words ‘I need to talk to you’, but I didn’t think bribery would be involved. It’s an exciting bonus, I think I like being bribed if it comes with brownies.”
I take a breath before ripping off the plaster. “It’s about me and Tom.”
Her eyes narrow a fraction, but other than that her expression is unreadable. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.
“I know last time was, well, a disaster.” Heat rushes to my face. “That awful gala, and radio silence, and then you were left picking up the pieces with your brother. I hated that. And I’m so sorry.”
Kath puts down the remainder of the brownie and rests against the counter, arms folded. “It did hurt him, Claire. You know that. But everyone’s moved on. You don’t need to apologise to me about it again.”
“Thank you. But, umm… I asked him to give me a second chance.” I rush onwards with my speech before I lose my nerve. “It’s different now. We’re… together. Properly. And I want you to know that I wouldn’t be telling you everything if I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to hurt him. I just… want him.”
There’s a moment of tense silence, the smell of chocolate between us. I still feel sick, and my palms are even clammier than earlier. The quiet stretches, and I have no idea what to say to make this better.
“Are you sure?” My oldest friend looks at me. “Really sure? Because if you aren’t, I don’t know if I can do this again. I may tease him, but he’s my brother. He doesn’t deserve to be dropped like he was before.”
“I’m sure.” I meet her eyes even though my stomach is somersaulting. “I won’t mess him around again.”
“And your mum?” Kath asks, her expression still guarded. “She isn’t going to get in the way?”
“No.” I twist my hands. “I’m done chasing my mum’s approval. I haven’t told my parents yet, but it’s none of their business who I date. It’s my life, not theirs.”
It’s true. After a few days of silence I reached out to my mum again, trying to build bridges. It’s difficult, but I still want to do it. I mean, she’s my mother after all. I don’t want to throw that relationship away. But now it’s not just about what she wants, it’s about what I want too. Part of me is still bracing for the moment she finds out about Tom and has something to say about it. But when it comes, I’ll deal with it.
“My relationship with her is shifting,” I reassure Kath. “We had a sort of fight and… things are different now.”
It’s been an odd few days. I still feel caught sometimes, still find myself craving approval I know I shouldn’t need, but I’m getting better at recognising that feeling instead of letting it control me.
