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He should tell her now what he’d realized the evening before.
Gillian loved him.
Even so, the thought of telling her how he felt was terrifying. He needed to do more than simply tell her. Graeme wanted to show her. But how?
He’d have time to consider it on the way to Dunmure. For as much as he loved his wife, he also loved Highgate and its people. And being consumed with thoughts of Gillian had made him complacent. They needed a new healer before something else terrible happened.
“When do you leave?” She’d returned, already dressed in a simple undertunic and kirtle. His wife, lovely no matter what she wore, stared straight at him.
“As soon as Aidan returns,” he clarified. “It could be today. Or tomorrow.”
Neither of them said another word.
He should explain why he’d stayed away after the meal. Or why he had refused her when she’d asked him to let her in.
Instead, he watched her walk to the door. Opening it, she made to leave but then turned toward him instead.
“I wanted to speak to you this morn. To tell you something.”
His body felt as if it were welded to the bed. He should stand. Go to her. Tell her.
“What is it?” Frustrated by his own uncharacteristic lack of decisiveness, Graeme’s tone was harsher than it should have been.
She opened her mouth and then shut it once again. “I don’t want to tell you like this.”
He tried to soften his tone. “Like what?”
Graeme wasn’t trying to frustrate her, but he could tell she was becoming impatient with him.
“You are not like my father,” she blurted. And though he had not known what to expect from her, that was certainly not it.
“I should hope not.”
“He is, or was, an honorable man. With many qualities worthy of admiration. I love him despite his failings, but I’ve treated you unfairly, Graeme.”
“You’ve done nothing of the sort, Gillian. It is I—”
“Please, let me finish.” Though her hand dropped from the door handle to her side, Gillian made no move to come to him. A good thing since he was liable to forget their agreement if she came too close.
“My father wanted a male child,” she said softly. “He never hid the fact.”
Most men wanted the same, to continue their family line. Graeme didn’t care much about that. Any child was a blessing.
“My mother lived to please him, and Allie and I emulated her. I thought it my duty to keep him happy even though it never appeared to work.”
If she was trying to endear her father to him, Gillian was doing a poor job of it.
“But you are not like him,” she repeated. “You accepted me, this clan accepted me, from the very first day I arrived in your lives.”
He didn’t understand. “What is there not to accept? You’re a fine woman, Gillian.”
When she smiled, a small, faint smile that crinkled her freckles, his heart banged against his chest.
“Thank you, Graeme. And you are a fine man.”
“And unlike your father,” he finished.
“In the ways that matter.”
