Page 45
“It seems wrong, somehow.”
And she didn’t mean that preventing such a thing was condemned by God. This had nothing to do with the Church at all.
Guy swallowed. “’Tis not natural to pull away. Every part of me wished not to do so.”
Sabine took a deep, steadying breath. “Every part?”
She waited for his answer. They both knew what she was asking.
Finally, he shook his head ever so slightly. “Nay, not every one.”
Sabine closed her eyes, pretending his words did not feel as if he’d ripped her heart from her chest. This is what she had asked for. It was what she’d wanted.
Wasn’t it?
Chapter 21
He wanted to wake her.
But he also wanted for Sabine to remain sleeping. For when she woke, he wasn’t sure what he’d say to her. That last eve had shaken him more than he wished to admit? That he’d considered staying inside her for the duration? That, for one wild moment, he’d thought he might be glad for it if she did swell with child?
Nay, he could not say any of that. Even as he pulled her closer to him, Guy admitted to himself that such sentiments were dangerous. He had never considered marriage before. A true marriage. But a man’s plans could change—he knew that better than anyone—nay, that was not the reason he should push Sabine away.
He knew he hardly deserved such a woman. He was a bastard, if not in the true sense of the word. He’d not lied about that. Guy had fought for good men, but he’d fought for bad ones too. That he was beyond redemption was a fact he’d learned to live with, despite his friend Terric’s insistence that he judged himself too harshly. And yet, the knowledge that she was much too good for him was not enough to keep him from her.
He was ruthless, mayhap heartless at times, but he would be neither of those with her. Nay, the reason they’d do best to part soon, before either of them fell any deeper, was because this life he led was a hard one. An itinerant one. Staying in one place too long had always unsettled him, and for as long as he could remember, he’d dreamed of leading his own company of mercenaries.
Eventually Sabine would grow weary of life on the road. Perhaps, like his mother, she’d leave one night. Guy could not survive another loss like that. Neither would he bring a child into the world to experience the anguish he’d felt the morning he’d awoken to find his mother had returned to France without him.
When Sabine shifted against him, Guy moved away. Though it was still dark, he swung his legs off the side of the bed.
“The sun has not even risen.”
She sounded sleepy still. And content.
“Stay abed.” He didn’t turn around. “’Tis early, as you said.”
When her hand touched his bare back, Guy flinched. He closed his eyes and imagined grasping it in his own. Holding it above her head and then finding the other, keeping her captive beneath him all morning. Nay, all day. Awaiting word from de Chabannes while buried deep inside her.
But she had the right of it. Intimacy between them was serving only to complicate an already complicated relationship.
“I did not sleep well,” he said truthfully, standing.
Guy dressed without glancing her way. If he knew de Chabannes, his wait would not be a long one. They were here, in Noreham’s village, for a purpose. It would serve him well to remember that.
He could hear her lying back down.
As he was about to pull a tunic over his head, Guy glimpsed the belt Sabine had crafted.
“Shall we visit the village today? Perhaps there is a girdler nearby.” He picked up the piece. “This really is a fine girdle.”
Although he’d intended to wait for her in the hall, Guy changed his mind and sat on the bed.
“How do you do this?”
“I simply stitched together two narrow bands and finished it with silk fringe. My mother taught me how.”
He paused. “You miss them very much. Your parents.”
