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“You’re still here.”
He is at my side so quickly, I do not have time to think. Within moments, I’m wrapped in his arms.
“Shhh,” he whispers in my ear. But I cannot. My tears refuse to be silent ones. “I am so sorry.”
It feels different to be held by Vanni than it did with Kipp. His chest is just as hard and unforgiving, though the pulse of his heart soothes me. Eventually, I stop crying, although I cannot bring myself to move from the safety of his embrace just yet.
“She’s gone.”
I strain my neck to see his face. But I will not let go of him. Not yet.
“I know she is, Aedre. And I am so sorry for it.”
He tries to pull me away with him.
“You must come with me.”
And then I realize Father sent him in here to force me to leave Amma’s chamber.
“I wish it were otherwise, Aedre, but I know death,” he says softly. “Sometimes I feel that I am cursed.”
I do break away then, enough to look at him.
“Nay, you are not cursed,” I say, sure of my words. “You have seen death, but somehow, though I can’t explain it precisely, it is a good thing too.”
He looks at me strangely.
“I do not have clear visions as my mother did, but feelings . . .” I shrug. “Aye. Amma says some Garra are given that gift, and by knowing yourself, it can be honed. Maybe someday they will be more clear, but for now, ’tis just a feeling. And with you, there is somehow good to come of the death that surrounds you.”
“It is what I meant to say, Aedre. That I know death, and wanting never to rise again because of it. But you will. You must. For the living. For whatever purpose that makes each day worth living.”
For a moment, I think he means me, but I know his purpose is the king. And mine? It is what Amma trained me to do.
From the look in his eyes, Vanni thinks I mean to refuse him, but I know I cannot stay here any longer. I must say goodbye.
Moving away and sitting beside her once again, I take Amma’s hand and tell her, even though I do not believe the words, “All will be well. I love you, Amma.”
If she can somehow hear me, I want her to think her last words to me might hold some truth.
Vanni is there when I stand up again.
“You did not leave,” I repeat. Grateful.
“Of course not. I’ve been outside all day.”
I know he has an important mission, one that cannot wait. But I need to know . . .
“Will you stay until the morrow? When we send her off?”
He does not hesitate.
“Aye, Aedre, I will be there, by your side if you wish it.”
It’s foolish of me to ask. Delaying his departure is not the same as preventing it. Besides, I have Father and Kipp, both of whom have known Amma, and me, my whole life. But knowing that Vanni will be there too, I look back, one last time. And sigh.
I love you, Amma.
I’m ready to leave.
