Page 85

Chapter Thirty-One

Aedre

“Iwill never marry him. He knew, Kipp.”

Kipp grins at me as I pace in his solar. I came to Nord Manor after sending word to Father instead of going home, desperate to avoid Vanni. I’ve stayed overnight here before, the manor more than large enough to accommodate guests. Now that the tide has risen, we are accessible only by boat, and Vanni and his men have none. Of course, as Kipp pointed out, they could obtain one easily for the short journey, but I do not believe Vanni will do so.

He was less angry than I imagined when I told him Vanni suspected I knew him. Or at least considered the possibility Kipp and I were friends. If he had any inkling of it, Vanni should have told me when I asked.

Is he even still here, in Murwood End?

This morn, the thought of him leaving was devastating. But now, the very opposite is true. If he had asked me instead of telling me . . . if he had made some profession of love . . . if he had considered my wants and needs at all . . . if he’d mentioned the possibility that he knew I had a connection to Kipp.

I don’t know what would have happened then. But I’ll not let a man dictate my future out of some allegiance to a code of honor I do not share. Nor will I wed a man who’s made it quite clear he has no wish to marry.

I would rather remain here, in the manor house, heartbroken.

“The choice is yours.”

Stopping at the window, I find myself thinking of Vanni’s chest beneath my hands, of him thrusting into me, of him looking into my eyes with something stronger than lust. Of the utter bliss I experienced with him.

I was ignorant before, but now . . . now I know.And I will never, ever be the same again.

“How could you not have told me?” I accuse, knowing my anger is misplaced but unable to help myself.

“Told you what, precisely?”

Unlike me, Kipp is relaxed, legs stretched out in front of him as he eats an apple and fingers the dagger my father forged for him. I’ll never forget the day he asked my father for that weapon. Father and I were in the shop when Kipp stormed inside. Normally, we would have learned of his ship’s arrival before we saw him, but we’d heard nothing. We only knew he and his father had gone off to fight for Lord Rawlins in Edingham.

But I knew straightaway something had gone wrong. Which was confirmed by Kipp’s words.

“I need a dagger. The finest, sharpest one you’ve ever forged.”

Even now a chill runs up my back at the memory of his expression that day.

After explaining that his father had been killed, he stated his intention to slay the man who’d hired him.

Lord Rawlins had gained back his estate but at a great loss of life, something the Highlander cared little about given the majority of the men were hired mercenaries. Worse, he refused to pay Kipp, saying his agreement was with the father, not the son.

Since that day, he’s never again spoken of the battle, or of Rawlins, except but one time. I’d asked Kipp why he had wanted a dagger when he owned a perfectly good sword.

“I will look into the eyes of the man responsible for my father’s death.”

After that, I never asked again about Lord Rawlins, his plans for revenge, or details of the battle. I know only he’s talked many times of an opportunity for a fair fight with the man.

“Aedre? What did I not tell you?”

I tear my gaze away from the dagger.

“You’ve been with women before. How could you not have told me what it was like? How transformative it is.”

Kipp wasn’t exactly happy to learn what happened between Vanni and me, especially since it was as much my idea as Vanni’s, but I’m annoyed too. I can’t help but feel my friend has been withholding.

“You allowed me to practice what Amma taught me, but I didn’t truly understand what I was doing,” I continue. “I am a fool.”

He does not seem overly concerned.

“What would you have me say, Aedre? ’Tis not something easily put into words. As well you know.”