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“My mother taught Cettina and me that a person’s worth lies in how they treat themselves, and others. Tis naught to do with the value of their gowns or jewels, their rank. It made Father furious that she insisted we assist in every job in the castle. From the kitchens”—I look toward the barmaid who moves from table to table with efficiency—“to the role of chambermaid.”
I rest back in my chair, listening with interest. Hilla’s eyes are sharp. Intelligent. And so I can guess her question even before she asks it.
“How do you reconcile the church’s beliefs with your own?”
I don’t. Which is precisely why this particular mission, as an Elderman, has been the most difficult one I’ve ever undertaken.
“Within the church, beliefs vary. Some more extreme than others.”
She makes a face. “The Prima, you mean?”
“Aye, Father Silvester among them.”
“And yet you serve the man, do you not? Shadow Warriors are like his personal guards?”
“They were not always so. We were formed after Edingham was created to protect those who traveled to Avalon to worship. In those days, crossing the border, as we’ve done, was unheard of. Without escort, at least.”
“Hmm. So do you believe the mere act of a woman looking directly into a man’s eyes can tempt him into sin, as the church teaches?”
Not before meeting you.
’Twas easier when I thought Hilla a traitor. Who could be tempted by a woman who plots to murder innocents? But this woman. Aye, she could tempt me even if I were an Elderman.
“You look at me now, and I am not tempted into sin,” I lie.
She holds my gaze.
“So nay? You do not believe it?”
Leaning forward, my chest pressed against the table in front of me, I continue to stare at her. A most pleasing pastime. “I believe it only as much as the opposite is true.”
She blinks, and then understands my meaning.
“I am as tempted by you as you are by me,” she says. “Which is to say, not at all.”
Clever woman.
Assuming the identity of someone you are not requires vigilance. So I say this to her fully aware that I should not. That Father Aiken would not.
But I am no man of God.
“You, my lady, are a liar.”
Her lips part, the truth of my words apparent to us both. I think of the sleepless night I had on the wooden floor, a more comfortable accommodation than many I’ve had over the years. Made less so by my knowledge of this very woman lying just above me, utterly and completely nude.
I saw nothing of her, with the coverlet pulled up to her chin. But that did not stop my imagination from roaming free.
“I’ve never known desire before, so perhaps you are right.”
With that statement, so casually given, Hilla begins to eat, our moment of flirtation thankfully over. Reminding myself she is both married and a queen’s sister, I follow suit. The meat pie as good as yesterday, I remind myself to compliment Nathan.
He’s done well for himself here, has made Crow’s End one of the most indispensable of all our safe dwellings across the Isle.
And while I’ve not drunk enough to be caught unaware, my tongue is looser than it should be. Say little, for doing so will keep you out of trouble.
This conversation does not qualify as a good model of my training.
“Not even before you wed?” I ask, still curious, though I should not be so.