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Chapter 9

Theo must have danced with fifteen young ladies at Lord Toddington’s ball tonight. If he had to pick one of the heiresses to marry, the only possibility, maybe, was Lady Brinkler. She was funny and clever and helped him relax; yes, she’d misinterpreted his reticence as nerves, but the truth was impossible to bear.

“Who are you looking for?” Carlynne asked.

“No one.” There was almost no reason for Mr Milnes to be here tonight. And even less reason for him to seek him out, not now that he knew Mr Milnes had a very good reason for hating his title, his name. It’d been months since he inherited, and he still wasn’t accustomed to people calling him his father’s title. It might’ve been easier if his father was someone different; someone less awful, or maybe that would be a different type of grief. Would he have preferred to have lost someone he loved over this grief of disappointment and hurt which ached because he couldn’t fix all things his father had broken? He would never know.

“I’ve been enjoying the dancing.” It was true. He wasn’t going to marry anyone he’d danced with but perhaps Carlynne would leave him alone for a bit if he admitted to the parts he did like.

“I rather like the decorations Emily has done for tonight.”

“Emily?”

Carlynne fanned her face. “Lord Toddington’s sister, Lady Emily, is a friend of mine.” Her blush was telling, and Theo wanted to ask Carlynne when she’d known that Emily was special to her, but these things were not to be discussed. He couldn’t ask that without Carlynne wanting to know why he knew, and she was astute enough to wonder who it was that had caught his eye...

“The white silk ribbons look lovely against the dark green of the fir and the holly does look ... lovely.” He evaded the unspoken topic by sticking to the easier, boring, repetitive conversation.

“She wanted to have kissing boughs hung from each of the columns, but I told her it would be too scandalous.”

“When did you get so concerned about appearances?” He had been away on the Peninsula for such a long time that it was perfectly possible for Carlynne to have changed her views in those intervening years, but his currently uptight sister didn’t fit with his memory of the energetic young woman who’d been sent home from school.

“Some of us didn’t get the chance to swan around and play at soldiers.” Carlynne lifted her chin and walked away, leaving her devastating words hanging in the air. He knew he’d been given a job away from the front line because he was the only son of an Earl, and he had only seen a little bit of action. It’d been quite enough for him. And after that, he’d been useful. Creating maps and tracking supplies kept everyone fed and equipped and in the correct location. It was vital work. Lonely work too, as he’d been a keeper of secrets. It was important that the maps were kept safe and the details about supply chains weren’t well known.

He glanced around the ballroom again at all the happy couples dancing, and none of them looked like him and Mr Milnes would look dancing together. He didn’t belong here; the only places he’d ever really belonged was on the cricket oval and underneath Mr Milnes. In the war he hadn’t belonged either; his class had set him apart from the other soldiers who’d gained their jobs through hard work. His breath caught in the back of his mouth, and he turned on his heel to get a drink. The watered-down madeira that was usually served at these things wouldn’t taste great but it ought to wash away whatever was sticking in his throat. Or he could simply leave. There was no reason for him to stay. He needed some air, so he left the ballroom and headed towards the courtyard garden at the rear of the Toddington’s house.

“Lord Milnes-Wilkes.”

He whipped around at that seductive voice—Mr Milnes’ voice—and ...

“Look up.”

He obeyed. Above him was a kissing bough; holly and mistletoe decorated with oranges and herbs. He had barely a moment to admire Lady Emily’s handywork when Mr Milnes shoved him up against the wall and kissed him. He knew the moment that Mr Milnes stretched up on his toes to take more control, with Mr Milnes’ body sliding against his, ruffling his jacket. The kiss was partly tender and partly desperate need, and tasted exactly like Mr Milnes always did, like secrets and hidden passions in the dark of the night.

“Not here.” He needed the cover of night, not the dimly candlelit hallway of Lord Toddington’s house where anyone might walk past. He pushed Mr Milnes on his sturdy shoulders and slipped away towards the door leading to the garden. Soon they were tumbling into the dark corner of the garden, away from the glow of candles through the window or the torch flames lighting the pathways.

“Why can’t I resist you?” Adam’s whisper sent shivers along Theo’s spine.

Theo shrugged. “Why do you need to?”

“Because it’s not right.”

“Please don’t judge me on what my father did. It’s not fair.”

Mr Milnes shook his head. “No. It’s because of what I did.” And then the man kissed him once more and walked away. How dare he? They finally had a dark place to indulge, and they obviously both wanted it.

“Come back.” He called out fruitlessly into the dark, immediately regretting it. What a fool he was for kissing Mr Milnes whose first name he didn’t even know. This was a problem, and one he didn’t want to resolve.

“Are you so desperate for me?” Mr Milnes silky whisper came from beside him and he whipped around, seeing nothing, only the inky blackness of the night. A hand landed on the base of his spine and he froze.

“Mr Milnes?”

“Shh, soon you will get what you want.” Mr Milnes’ voice, with his odd mixture of accents, seduced Theo faster than the promise of his words.

Theo heaved in a big breath. “Promise?”

The only answer was the brush of lips against his knuckles and Mr Milnes’ hand sliding up his back—a nice firm touch—until he held the back of Theo’s neck. All Theo could do was breathe, too fast and ragged, as he waited in the dark with Mr Milnes somewhere behind him. Close enough to touch his neck with his hand, but not so close that his body heat warmed Theo. The anticipation did something for Theo that he didn’t realise he’d ever craved, and he wanted to lean back against Mr Milnes’ hand.

“Will you do something for me?” Mr Milne’s whisper brushed over the curve of his ear.