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‘Something happened at work?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What happened?’
‘I got promoted.’
Sudha picked up the appraisal letter lying on the table in front of her and said, ‘Whoa! So Assistant Vice President Sir, this calls for a celebration and you’re here sitting and trying to answer itsy-bitsy questions about what to do in life and why was I born etc.?’
‘I’ve worked so hard to see this day. But now that it’s here I don’t know what to feel. I’ve gone numb. The things we desire lose all their value once achieved.’
‘Whatever you want to do, go for it. Just stop playing the hero all the time. It’s not like those people who don’t chase their dreams don’t have them either. There’s no need to overdramatize life. What’s the point of romanticizing struggle like they do in films and books? The hero decides to go after his dream at the first opportunity he gets, leaving everything behind, just carrying a backpack. What do they call it—“Follow your dreams”? All this bullshit sounds fancy in a lecture.’
‘Yaar, Sudha, why are you saying all this?’
‘Because if someone has to leave, they just leave. They don’t procrastinate like you are doing, over alcohol! Those people don’t watch the speeches of Steve Jobs. The people who step out to look for life are the only ones who find it. They don’t sit around and keep talking.’
‘I’m planning to quit my job by next year.’
‘Ha ha ha ha ha …’
‘Why are you laughing?’
‘Who do you think you’re fooling?’
‘Why? One has to plan before quitting, na?’
‘Those who plan never get to see that next year.’
‘I have you by my side, you’ll handle it.’
‘Yaar, is this some sort of sappy Bollywood movie that the heroine will save your ass?’
‘Don’t talk like that.’
‘I will.’
‘I can’t keep doing this job anymore.’
‘Then quit.’
‘What will I do?’
‘How can I tell you that? You will have to decide what is it that you want to do.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘If you don’t, then continue with your job. The day you do find your true calling, quit. You could do one thing, though. Take a leave of absence for one or two months.’
‘No way will I get so much leave. What reason will I give them?’
‘You don’t have the guts to take a month’s leave but you’re all set to play the “follow your dreams” game. Huh?’
‘I want to open a café. A café with a lot of books. People should come there, sit, talk, read books, plan their vacations, pause and think about their hustling lives. Declare their fears, admit their mistakes and cherish their memories. There’s no bigger joy than sitting and calmly recollecting your own memories. Sometimes I think I should have a daughter, with whom I could just talk and talk and talk. Narrate stories to kids. Sudha, yaar, I am scared of dreams. So much so that I can’t even tell them. I have never told this to anyone. I don’t know how this will ever happen. I am sure of one thing, though, I don’t want to keep working and then retire one day. I am bored of the same faces and the same conversations in the office every day.
‘I want to talk to total strangers. I want to tell them stories. Ask that old man sitting in the corner of the road who he waits for with his broken glasses. He keeps stitching slippers with twine and needles. Every day a slipper takes on a new life, but only till those stitches give up. Just like that, the twine unravels on the road, and then it starts to look for new footwear. I want to meet those women who carry loads on their heads their entire lives just so their daughters can ride a bicycle to nearby schools. I want to bathe naked with kids in a tube well for hours. I want to listen to people talking in a tapri, far, far away from the city, but …’
‘But what? Not all people in the world work at a job. You are free to not do it as well. What’s the big deal?’
