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“You know, you could at least say goodbye, Lyric.” My mother says sternly as she inches closer to the portal. She drags her feet as if she’s attempting to drag out time, but she knows better.

I shoot back with, “If I wanted to, I would have. Quite frankly, Mother, I don’t want to. I have nothing to say to you. I’ve wasted years talking to a wall with no change in sight. You never cared about me; you only ever cared about yourself. You used me as a human shield because we both know that if it was happening to me, that meant it wasn’t happening to you. How does it feel now that the roles are reversed?” I say snarkily. “I’m saving myself. You’d think you’d approve.”

My mother squints at me angrily and purses her lips.

“Go to Hell, Lyric.” She says through gritted teeth.

“Oh, Mother. You see, I won’t be doing that, but you will be.” I laugh mockingly.

The reaper places his hand on the small of her back and pushes her along. Cash gives me a dirty look, and before the two of them enter the hole in the floor, they look back at me, and I flip them off.

“Enjoy your forever stay.”

Before they’re able to make a run for it, or me, for that matter, the reaper yanks them back and shoves them both into the portal. It all happens so fast that I’m barely able to register it.

“You won’t come back for me?” I ask skeptically.

It confirms, “I won’t come back for you. I hope you know what you’re doing. Goodbye, Lyric.”

The reaper joins Cash and Kristine. When the bright light disappears, I know that my mother and the pedophile are gone, and the portal is closed. Grief washes over me, followed by relief. It all hits me at once, and my knees buckle, dropping me to the ground.

As I land on my hands and knees, I try to steady myself and my breath, but it’s all too much. Attie bends down and grips under my elbows, hoisting me up off the floor.

“Come back to me, Strawberry Girl. You’re safe. I’ve got you.” His words soothe me, and I pull myself together.

He’s right. It’s over. And then it strikes me—the Grim Reaper won’t come back for me. What have I done?

If it won’t come back to escort me home, then that means I’m stuck here. I made a deal with the reaper, and I didn’t think it through. I was okay with staying with Attie, but now that my brain is connecting the dots about what that actually means, I’m scared out of my mind.

I’m stuck in the In-Between. There is no peace. All of this was for nothing. I’m spiraling and I think Attie can either see it or sense it because he’s suddenly behind me, massaging my neck.

His breath grazes the back of my neck and makes my hair stand on end.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours? You’re about to go mental, I can tell,” he says breathily.

Ignoring him, I count to four as I inhale through my nose, hold for seven, and release for eight through my mouth. After spending the majority of my life in and out of therapy, even though every therapist I ever had accused me of not learning anything and never trying, I retained quite a lot. I look at Attie and think about how I can apply my five senses to his body. I need to ground myself.

I lean in and sniff his chest. I can smell his cologne—whiskey. He smells like home. I stand on my tippy toes and plant a kiss on his lips. He tastes salty, and I remember the copious amounts of salted potatoes I’ve consumed while alive. I love potatoes. Shit, I love carbs.

I stand back and search his eyes, and I see the world in them: the blues and greens and golden rays. I could stare at them forever. Hearing his breath reminds me that he’s still here with me. When I reach for his hands, our touch is instantly electric. Our souls buzz and glow, and the warmth that envelops me is overwhelming.

I repeatedly tell myself I’m okay, not wanting to drag Attie into my antics. I’m not okay… and I don’t know if I ever will be.

CHAPTER 47

ATTICUS

She’s back. My Strawberry Girl is here and in my arms. She’s tangible—to me, anyway. My body can finally relax. The fight-or-flight response is slowly leaving me, but it’s leaving nonetheless.

She wasn’t gone for more than a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Not being able to find Lyr—and having no idea where she was or how to reach her—was a torment worse than death. I was ready to spend the rest of forever looking for her. I wouldn’t have stopped until I found her. Now that my girl is back in my arms, I won’t be making the mistake of letting her go again.

I knew there had to be more to the In-Between. I couldn’t wander aimlessly eternally. I just wasn’t expecting the “more” I was looking for to be Lyr.

Lyric is mine.

The guilt over Ellie eats at me less and less as time passes. Ellie will always be a part of me and my story. She holds a special place in my heart that no one will ever be able to touch.

There was no way to rewrite my ending. I knew that from the beginning. But Ellie has a whole life ahead of her. She still has a chance to chase her dreams, overcome her fears, cross things off her bucket list, live her life, find her true love, have an ending… I could be selfish. I could beg her to take her own life.