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“Are you even listening?” Sam asks.
He’s the most fucked up I’ve seen him.
For months, he’s been refusing to talk about how he feels. Finding out he wasn’t one of Nova’s fated mates was more than hard for him; it almost destroyed him. But he still hasn’t properly spoken about it. Not with her, not with me, not with any of us.
I wonder whether he’s spoken to Nico about it.
I think probably not.
They meet to prowl the woods together, but I can’t imagine them doing much in the way of talking. Not with Nico himself completely fucked up by his new demon identity.
And given that Sam had no idea Nico was working for the Bureau, it doesn’t seem they’ve been sharing their deepest darkest secrets.
“Sorry.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.
Something about my expression or the tone of my voice makes Sam kneel in front of me and put his hands on my thighs. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I’m taking all this out on you and you’re the one who’s been going through it.”
He squeezes my thigh.
“You’ve been shouldering everything on your own.”
“Not alone.” I straighten up, but Sam shares something with Nova that – even now – drives me wild. An innocence, a wide-eyed purity that makes me want to kiss him when I look at him.
If he didn’t remind me of Nova, would I still want to fuck him all the time?
Probably not.
“I had Kole.”
“But now you’ve lost both of them, and Mack is…” Sam sighs then sits down, crossing his legs like he’s about to meditate.
We are in a room no bigger than a storage closet.
Mack is still with Thornfield in his study, attempting to get through to Annalise and talk about the hell damned scepter we’re supposed to be tracking down. Even though his head was bleeding and I told him he needed to rest.
We stepped out under the pretence of calling Luther back and persuading him not to be so pissed. But he didn’t pick up, and I was kinda glad.
Really, I just needed a few minutes to clear my head.
On the dark red carpet, Sam rests his forehead in his hands then sighs deeply.
“I haven’t lost them both. We haven’t lost them. We haven’t lost anyone just yet.” I sink to the floor and lean my back against the wall, stretching my legs out in front of me.
“I just thought…” Sam inhales deeply. “I thought after everything, we’d finally be safe. Together. All of us.”
“We will be.” I meet his eyes. His fear and doubt and apprehension are so pungent they catch in the back of my throat. “This isn’t like the Prophecy. This is just games. Stupid games. Zephyra’s dangerous, but she’s not capable of destroying the world. And if Nova can defeat the biggest bad of them all, she can handle a pissy vampire queen.”
Sam’s lips twitch and he lets out a delicate chuckle. “And the AMA? The scepter that will end all things?”
I roll my eyes, trying to sound far more nonchalant than I feel. “They’re fuck wits. They might have gotten hold of the scepter, but will they know how to use it? Who’s even running the show now that Ragnor is gone? Last I heard, they were scrambling around like headless weres. Different factions wanting different things. Warring between themselves.” I shrug and scrape my fingers through my hair. “Hell, maybe they’ll fight themselves for it. We might not need to get involved.”
“And the demons running loose? Nico’s being used to track them down. And it’s killing him. He can’t continue trying to atone for something he didn’t cause.”
“Sam.” I lean forward and crawl toward him. His eyes flicker as he watches me, the air shifting as the mood suddenly changes. “You have to stop worrying about everyone. Worry about you. Your feelings.”
“I’m fine,” he says quietly as I reach his thighs and lift up his shirt.
I kiss his stomach gently, and he sighs, leaning back on his hands so I can lift it higher. “You’re terrified that you’re going to lose Nova, but I don’t think it’s because of what’s happening. You were scared before this. It’s because of the Prophecy, right?”