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Terraguard soldiers clear the dead, commanded by one of my elite Coredivers training under Damaris.

I sheath my sword. My wrist burns again, this time worse. I pull my sleeve down further. No one can see. Not yet.

Not ever.

Damaris steps beside me. “Are you alright?”

“Yes.” The lie leaves my mouth easily.

Cadex claps me on the shoulder. “If the Jord keep attacking like that, we’re going to need about five more of those shadow horrors.”

“I can only summon one at a time.”

“Of course you can,” he says. “That would be too convenient otherwise.”

Despite everything, I almost laugh.

We return to the war room, where the green light of the torch burns low, maps still waiting. I steal a glance at my arm while Cadex and Damaris unstrap their weapons. The white dots seem to have multiplied since we left. Three now, maybe four.

Damaris pages through the maps, murmuring to Cadex about tactics and possibilities and strategy while he collapses on the chair.

My chest tightens, thoughts drifting somewhere far more dangerous.

To the woman who feels like sunlight. I miss her.

Gods, I miss her.

Everything is getting worse.

The infection, the Jord’s attacks, the kingdom… me.

I rest my forehead against the cold stone of the cavern wall. How much longer can I hide this? How much longer until the white dots spread across my skin like snowfall? How much longer until I become the very monster I force myself to kill?

The cavern behind my ribs, where my wicked heart hides, aches with the weight of it.

I should tell her.

I know I should.

But the thought of seeing fear in Akemi’s eyes?

That might destroy me faster than the infection ever could.

25

Let it All Out

The Watch is rich with cadets pacing the halls, training in the Lower Fields, and stuffing their faces in the cafeteria at all times. Finals before winter solstice break has got everyone studying overtime. Even the library is bustling with more students, to Len’s demise, though Miki doesn’t seem to mind.

I make a note to visit the pesky beige striped cat. Since last year, I haven’t been down to the lowest levels of the library nearly as much as I’d like, unless I’m sneaking off to the Source caves to replenish my magic or heal. Almost every time, I find a new cluster of glowing lilies awaiting me, bobbing in the glowing springs.

And every time, I think of Atlys… his chest covered in inky tattoos… tracing my finger along the droplets on his sculpted ab muscles, down beneath the bubbling surface to reach for his thick…

I squeeze my eyes shut, letting out a groan while dragging my hands down my face. A cadet passing by raises an eyebrow. I ignore them. Getting turned on right now is not a good idea. I need to focus.

Because if I’m putting the pieces together about the issue with the moon, we are about to have a long road ahead of us. A very fucking long road, and I’m going to need all the help I can get.

The glass lift stops at Level Ten, and I head the usual direction to Castor’s office. The ancient wooden door creaks, hinges grating against the stone as I enter.